Learning

I remember what it felt like
When you loved me
Hated me
Tried not to care at all
Always so good at cold indifference

I remember thinking
Feeling something was better than nothing
Until we both turned into nothing
Fully absorbed by our own failures
Anger

Can't forget
Though I try
The good, bad and the ugly
We were everything
And everything was us

Tried to let go
But how do you let go of your mind
Your heart
Forget your life
How do you lose yourself

Stopped trying
Stopped attempting to destroy myself
To force what can't be forced
Learned to accept myself
Fear no longer my ruler

Said goodbye to you
If only in my head
Trapped in my life
Never far away
It brings no comfort

It is but a space
A space for building
For wondering
Erecting false statues of who we are
To hide who we were

I remember what it felt like
When you loved me
Hated me
Bathed me in your cold indifference
And I am grateful for the lesson