Comments : Isolation (senryu)

  • 12 years ago

    by Chelsey

    Sometimes there is nothing wrong with doing that...take time for yourself, get yourself together, evaluate your thoughts. It will help.

    Loved this senryu. Everyone can relate!

  • 12 years ago

    by Decayed

    Hey, welcome to my previous world.
    I can relate to this so much, Saffie.

    Before, I used to stay in my room, not because I have social fear or something, but because I chose so. I used to like loneliness. It was like my solace, for it made me think... and even made me write. Also, I used to loathe some people in my neighborhood, that's why, probably, I didn't leave home much. But thanks God... if I'm an extrovert now, I wouldn't have written anything in my life... nor would I have thought of anything artistic. Sometimes being an introvert can have more positive consequences.

    Did you know that Gibran Khalil Gibran preferred solitude over being with people? He used to grab his flute and sit afar... under trees, looking at the valley and playing music....

    And he spent his final hours writing only....

    Like Chels said, there's nothing wrong with doing that. But if it's overdone, then it may have negative consequences.

    Spectacular, Saffie! I liked how you showcased the title , "isolation" with using different approaches like "enclosing" and "away" and "ball" and "hidden"

    very nice! Keep writing!

  • 12 years ago

    by Stephen

    Everyone can relate to this at some point or another in their life. Sometimes isolation is what's best for us.. The world can become a handful at times and even myself, every now and then I decide to stray away from it. Locking myself in isolation with plenty of time to ruminate. I really enjoyed it, great job!

  • 12 years ago

    by Naughtymouse

    Your poetry just astounds me some times babyr....thats all im gonna say....just wonderful xxx

  • 12 years ago

    by Jenni

    I probably said this a billion times already but I love short poems such as Haikus, Senryus, Tankas etc and this isn't any different.

    The title is to the point and sums up the poem pretty well, it fits and I wouldn't know a better one to pick.

    Enclosing myself
    Away in a shadowed ball, <- place a comma there to make the reader pause a little longer because I feel as though the last verse needs to stand alone some more since I thought it sounds very well.

    As this is one sentence I'd recommend you not to capitalize the first letter of the second and third verse because it is slightly distracting.

    Okay, now to the content: You definately picked the right words to emphasize the solitude and loneliness the persona(you?) feels(feel) and although the smiley at the end shows that you're mostlikely not happy with the situation, it's something you do on your own after all("enclosing myself").

    I'm sorry if you don't feel comfortable that way and think you should try to do something about it, I mean you wouldn't have to open up to all, but I know that there are people you trust and rely on, who would do all they can to make sure that you're smiling.