Comments : RED ( acrostic senryu )

  • WOW! This piece is enticingly dark. I really loved it.

    Rumours of red eyes,

    ^^
    Like you haven't seen them and are not sure whether to believe or not... but you will be wary.

    Eeriness creeping closer,

    ^^
    I feel chills running down my spine as though I am the person creeping closer to the unknown... That as you move closer, the feeling of unease intensifies.

    Devil watching you.

    ^^
    A great, strong ending!
    Anything to do with the devil is dark, and this piece truly shows that.

    Well penned. 5/5

  • 12 years ago

    by L

    This is eerie!!

    and creepy and dark, and scary since I'm reading it at night.

    so yeah, it's well written and DARK.

    On a second note:

    This brought back a memory:

    I was in my english class today, and haha our prof. asked what does red usually symbolize or rather what do you associate red with? and she said with the devil.. doesn't it? we associate it with him... and also with passion and lust.

    And so I thought.. pink.. comes from passion and purity.. so Red and White.

    5/5

  • 12 years ago

    by Hannah Lizette

    I always associate the color red to either lust/love... or with devil/demons. It's weird how it can be used for one or the other... especially since they are two totally different extremes.

    This is creepy and I really like it. I like how your latest poems you have been doing forms, really coming out of the box and challenging yourself!

  • 12 years ago

    by Jenni

    I love red as a color so I was immediately curious as to what kind of poem you'd make out of this and I did not really pay attention to the category at first, but I do like what my eyes came across.

    Combining acrostic and senryu seems to be quite nice as it gives you the possability to practise both type of forms without having to write too much. I also felt as though you were incoorporating little alliterations, such as "Rumours or red eyes"(the r-sound in this case) or "eeriness creeping closer" (I picked this as a whole verse too because the ee-sound can also be found in creep, just like both last words start with c).

    One recommendation: don't capitalize all beginning letters, I do get that it might make this being an acrostic more obvious but I do not think that it is necessary.

    Other than that this is an eerie and well written poem

  • 12 years ago

    by Melpomene

    In the title you've spelled acrostic wrong (accrostic = acrostic)

    I'm always fond of the mashing of two forms, probably because I've never tried. Red isn't a colour that generally appeals to me but I like what you did with it. This had a creepy and eerie feeling and it does make you feel like you're being watched by something. Being that it's short it packs and punch, it's even colder. I found that after reading I had a quick glance around the room haha.

    Nice job
    Mel