Fear of the Unknown

Do you want to know why I can't confront the truth?
It's because I'd bold face lie to you, and regret it.
My heart sinks into my stomach, as I try to regurgitate
words that I keep trapped in this hollowed soul of mine.
Believe me, I can sense the stares as you read "coward"
across this embarrassed pale face I own.

My imagination impairs me to do what I wish.
I daydream of walking on a deserted beach with you,
feeling the brisk breeze sheathe around my neck.
You swoop me into your arms, and twirl me in a circle
the way couples in love do while honeymooning in Paris.
I am awestruck, and feeling alive is an understatement
because I cannot feel my heartbeat in this moment.

When I come back to reality, I picture life with you
and how every day, I'd be surrendered to a man
who carries my heart under his chest plate, and a sword
in his palm. No one would breach your protection.

This is where panic is introduced to trust-
I fear the unknown.

I am concerned, that if I commit my life to you
I will one day find my soul crushed as ice-
Cold, brittle, into pieces.
I am afraid, that survival will not be an requirement,
but a mere choice, that I will not choose.
I'd rather die a thousand deaths than to
not be close to you. Which is why for now,
I will keep my "I love you's" muted in words
of poetry.