Camping Indoors

by Sunshine   Sep 11, 2012


Club contest, had to write about "camping" XD
**************************************

I neither own a tent,
nor do I have the power to puff
fire with a deep blow of breath-
to warm up while camping
at the hills of your arrogance.

I might die of cold,
or get kidnapped by
your soldiers.
You know those eyes
of yours that never
leave my mind-
those whistles that
keep my feet turning
around like a hurricane.

I'm trapped, anyway

In the darkness of your night,
the nastiness of your visitors,
the sounds creeping
all around your marked boundaries.
And the cold wrapping up
each single hour I spend
worried before the sun
sneaks around.

But I know, this will be
the last time,
I go camping.

by: Rania Moallem

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  • 12 years ago

    by Tara Kay

    When I read this piece the first time, I loved it...I loved the whole contest idea that we had, and how everyone had there own experiences...

    Camping indoors is so much more fun...I hate the cold and damp of night-time...

    xxx

  • 12 years ago

    by One Man Clan

    So through the Idea of camping you made a love poem that speaks your mind, I know I'll never be able to do Just that anytime soon.
    Anyways, the reality of this, and how this guy can control your state of Mind so easily, while you slowly buy surely fall into his trap is overwhelming
    Yet you're one step ahead of your reader as you seal this poem with a powrful deceleration!!
    I no longer want to be mind controlled by you therefor I won't go camping( good thing belive, nothing bests sleeping in a comftroble bed)
    And you've pinned it perfectly nana
    5/5

  • 12 years ago

    by Nema

    Okay I seriously love this. I read it yesterday but I guess my mind was too busy to comment, and here I am reading it again.

    Your usage of camping as a metaphorical thing was brilliant. Especially this:

    "to warm up while camping
    at the hills of your arrogance."
    ^
    I was wondering why would one camp and the hills of someone's arrogance, if arrogant people actually push people away. But I guess you were trying to..figure something out :)

    "worried before the sun
    sneaks around."
    ^
    Which sun did you mean here? Our sun or a metaphorical one, too?

    I loved your opening lines more than the ending to be completely fair. But this is a great write indeed. I've got nothing to add really. Lovely entry =)

    By the way I already read a couple of your writings on Brianna's blog. I'm a fan :)

    Write on~
    N.

  • 12 years ago

    by Chelsey

    Nannaaaaa..omg!!! <<3 In love with this idea. I love what club challenges can inspire out of us..

    Comparing someone to camping, who would have ever thought it was possible??

    I just loved this dark creepy touch and it will now creep me out to camp because I will feel as if someone is lurking and watching me or I'll get kidnapped LOL

    but seriously, so creative, just loved the tone more than anything, you think itd be all happy and talking of a family vacation, instead, your takling about someone, in a negative way, wrapped around camping. Just brilliant!

  • 12 years ago

    by Brittany C

    It was different and I found it to be entertaining. The wording was good and so was the length. It was also easy to understand. 5/5

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