Untitled**

by BREEawNUHH   Sep 12, 2012


Here I remain with these thoughts
running through my mind
at one million miles an hour.

Shackled, frosty, and abandoned
enveloped by a blanket of fear
I think I'm in solitary confinement.

Internally, I feel like I'm frozen
but my skin is sweltering
an extraordinary feeling, indeed.

My heart is filled with revulsion
hatred, disdain, all for you
here I remain with these thoughts.

Briana Coulter
09.12.12

**if you have suggestions for a title, I would appreciate hearing them!

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Latest Comments

  • 12 years ago

    by Khalid M Darwish

    Nice piece full of emotion. I have some points:
    'running through my mind' sounds better if it reads 'dominating my mind'
    'an hour' should be 'per hour'
    'of fear' sounds better if it reads 'of fears'
    'all for you' can have two meanings, either 'in favor of you' or 'all because of you' so you have to clarify.

    This aside, this poem is great if it's some repairing, and it's up to you.

    I suggest the title to be 'Dominating thoughts'
    Good luck
    Khalid

  • 12 years ago

    by Amreen

    Nice one... very gloomy...I could relate to it and visualize the same:)
    typo on stanza 3: 'an' extraodinary and not 'a':)
    As for the title, i suggest 'lingering thoughts'...i hope u like it:)

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