How did it become this way?

The word "family"
has many different meanings
might it be a joyful childhood
or terror of darkness that clouds one heart
one person can always return
to their family and find a sense of happiness
or an painful darkness that they want to run away

is there a family within me?
when i grew up to respect my parents
only to find them to be the scum of the earth
that i never knew could be
my father was a wise man
but also the darkness in this family tree
my mother is broken
by a man she trusted all her life
my brother and sister
can't lift a single word or emotion
to comment on such a event

here i'm writing about family
when in reality i'm no longer part of one
we turn our heads and look the other way
while the one we love the most is suffering
from being alone in this world
my father turns his eyes away
to look at another person in life
my mother lost her way
seeking for a quick escape

will I'll ever understand the meaning of family?
when my own is in an endless conflict with each other?
will i ever learn to make the right choice?
when the time comes to a final close
how should i make the choice?
when I'm just as trouble in this world we call "life"
standing at a cross road
i can't make up my mind about such events
how did it become this way?
when i remember things to be a whole in the past?
how did it become this way?
when I'll soon lose the chance to see someone important
who is right in this case?
i really want to know!