My life story (Sestina)

Another well-penned poem, I really enjoy your work! You have a lot of talent, most of your poems seem pretty sure but you do such a great job with the longer pieces as well!

5/5

This felt like reading a story book. So flawless and it flowed smoothly. You told your story simply by choosing the significant moments in your life. It turned out so beautifully conveyed. I loved it. The form seem quiet a complex one as i don't know about it. Nonetheless, you did an excellent job on incorporating such sophisticated structure in your story. You make the form look simple and fun to try out. It came out as a masterpiece. An exemplary composition. Kudos!

This is a Very tricky form of poetry, in the way that you need to set the flow and there are restrictions in the set-up.

However, I feel that you took a topic that maybe was complicated and already structured and had to interpret that into the form, you did a really good job with this, and the flow was maybe not perfect but it was still smooth in most places.

You told the story and made the piece stand out which I congratulate you on.

Really nice piece Khalid.

Fantastic job here, I really enjoyed the thoroughness of this piece, beautifully done. Myself and Sparkling snow flake did this style of poem 'A Fiddlers Dream' we would both love to hear your thoughts on it.

Again very excellent write, I love how you capture your life in it telling the story, the first two lines really grab the reader.

5/5

Would you go through my life story,
starting from teenage until now?
^^
LOVE THESE TWO LINES - A fantastic opening!

I'll try to show in a poem
and not to forget any fact
when mentioning all about me
without rushing, but do my best
^^
You say without rushing, but to me this stanza seems really fast paced. Perhaps it's just me.

My study period was the best
^^
I feel like this line should end on something different besides 'best' simply because the last line ended on 'best' and I feel like it's awkward because of it. Silly I know, but I thought it worth mentioning. Also, as it is now, I feel like a comma should end this line because 'best important' doesn't really work in a sentence without a pause between, in my opinion.

important part of this story,
when the happiness smiled to me
and yet drove me to know you now
and pen, as a matter of fact,
my almost important poem

^^
Also again.. 'almost important' -- I feel like that doesn't make sense. To me they seem like opposites, though I know they are not. Perhaps consider changing 'almost' for another more appropriate sounding word...?

My Father's life was a poem!
Through my study, he did his best;
and so did my mother, in fact.
I, the main part of the story,
didn't miss them before as now.
They were the first ones who helped me
^^
I like how you adding this simple yet effective dedication to your parents. A nice touch and you have executed it seamlessly.

Their dream was how to construct me,
like a poet penning his poem,
but lost their chance to see me now
and left me hopes to be the best
and finish alone my story
believing Death is such a fact
^^ This stanza really dawns on the reader the course of life - what life means to you and your family, your inspiration, etc. Great work!

Unless I have faith of this fact
you wouldn't find a man like me
with such so sorrowful story
^^
Perhaps consider changing 'so' to 'a' as the line seems to be missing the 'a' and I feel like this would compensate without ruining the syllable count.

as an orphan in his poem
after parents gave him their best
praying he'd be best as now
^^
I must mention, if your parents were able to read your poems now, they would certainly be proud. (:

Thank God that people love me now
and that hopes became a real fact
For a worthy life do your best
^^
To start this line with a capital I think a fullstop should have ended the line before.

each to be the best, you and me
telling the world your best poem
about your family story
^^
Yeah, I think that looking back on a writer's poems, each one tells just one snippet of their life story. Kind of a beautiful thing I think.

Hope that God would bless you and me
I'm glad as to pen this poem
Telling you my real life story
^^
A touching ending to the piece. Well done!
_________________________________
OVERALL;
This seems like a complex form, but I'm glad you have tried it out - I love reading reading/learning new styles it always inspires me. I am unfamiliar with the form, so I won't comment upon it at all - I'll leave that to the experts. (:

Besides that - a beautiful write about your life and a nice touch with adding a dedication to your parents within it. That was very cleverly done.

I could feel the emotion that was poured into this piece, the joy, the sadness - the blood, sweat and tears, lol - and I really liked it.

I also like how this piece was so relatable - not every part of it - but aspects of it.

A really fantastic job, Khalid. 5/5