Comments : Powerful Temptations

  • 12 years ago

    by Autuumnbree

    Excellent write, this poem touches my inner core. I find it to be very sad and sick when we are emotionally, physically, afflicting self-harm because of the pains we have.

    Great poem

  • It has been so long since I have felt
    your cold yet comforting touch
    as you glide along my skin,
    opening up old wounds.

    ^^
    Love this opening - but I think the pace is slightly too fast for the category.. consider adding a pause or stop at the end of the second line I think, that'd help. Other than that minor detail - flawless imagery and as I said, a really great opening leaving the reader in the dark about what the piece is ultimately concerning.

    The way you mark a perfect line,
    leaving my crimson blood behind
    as it seeps from the enclosed cage
    where it has been held within.

    ^^
    This stanza makes me think this poem should be in the 'dark' section rather than the 'sad' section but I will continue to see where it goes before I say more. lol Oh, and I absolutely LOVE those first two lines. Perfect!

    You have carved so many words
    upon my scar filled arms,
    representing every storm
    I once had to survive.

    ^^
    Amazing imagery once again. I like how you wrote 'storm' -- it always implies a feeling of disarray and distress within ourselves or our lives. Beautiful work.

    Today I hear your enticing voice
    calling out my name,
    you sound like such a perfect cure
    for the pain that rages within.

    ^^
    This stanza to me implies that because of the turmoil of emotions you have been feeling, you have made a mistake in order to ease the pain, but now of which you regret..?

    You will bring me back to reality
    which I am struggling to feel.
    Urges, Urges,
    so powerfully strong.

    ^^
    I believe this is what this person represents to you before things turn bad. This is what you found enticing in the first place..

    How can my only cure
    be so wrong?

    ^^
    Faultless ending. It emphasises the fact that you made a mistake, but you still are unsure how or why you made it perhaps. That you don't know what went wrong, but it has happened and you cannot avoid it nor forget about it because now it is a part of you and your life story.

    Overall;
    Ok, upon second read through (and putting it all together this time) this piece definitely belongs here in the 'sad/depression' section - but that one stanza had me thinking otherwise for a little while. Now I also understand I missed the true meaning of the piece entirely. My bad. I won't say I condone self-harm but I do (to an extent) understand why people do it. If you need to talk, I will listen. Gosh I feel like a fool, missing that theme on my first read through - eek! - especially considering it is so obvious! But I must say, considering the content, this is a very elegantly written piece. Well done, Saffie.

  • 12 years ago

    by MyHalozChokinMe

    I can picture you questioning your place in your world when you wrote this.

    Fighting the urge to give yourself a "reality check", just to make sure you can still feel, that maybe you aren't as numb and detached as you feel like you are.

    Pain reminds us that we are still alive.

    The stanza that really got me:
    "Today I hear your enticing voice
    calling out my name,
    you sound like such a perfect cure
    for the pain that rages within. "

    I know this type of calling all too well, not in the same context exactly, but I know the feeling of thinking about the one thing you don't want to do, but give in to because you know that you will feel temporary relief. :(

    Once again, you pull at my heart Saffie <3
    (Just know you're not alone.)