Just Seconds Away

Another great poem Tainted Melody!
I so loving all that you write!

Just seconds away from spilling my story,
just seconds away from telling you all,
just seconds away from kissing your lips,
just seconds away from starting to ball.

^^
The first two lines and the last two lines seem completely unrelated.. but your rhyming, pace and flow are all flawless.

Just hours away from seeing your face,
just hours away from staring a while,
just hours away from making you dinner,
just hours away from making you smile.

^^
At first I didn't see the relation between line 2 and the rest - but upon second reading, I realised: staring at this person you love, who you cherish .. Right?

Just days away from hearing I love you,
just days away from date night fright,
just days away from your gallantry,
just days away from holding you tight.

^^
I feel like there's a contradiction here. With the second line I feel like you are talking about a first date, but with the rest of it, I feel like this person has simply been a way for a while and you have missed them dearly - like something in the army/navy etc

Just years away from saying 'I do',
just years away from our first vacation,
just years away from a new baby girl,
just years away from endless elation.

^^
I'm just curious - how do you know you will have a baby girl if it is "years" away?
This last stanza is probably my favourite of the whole piece. I feel it all melds together perfectly.

Overall;
I really like this piece. You have maintained your rhyme, pace and flow perfectly throughout. Even repetition - which I'm not sure I like or not. In one sense, it's well executed and emphasises the lapse of time, but in another it seems overbearing.. So I don't know if I like it or not. lol.

Also I feel like the lapse of time should have begun from years to seconds instead -- at least in some cases. OK.. this even confuses me, but I will try to explain. I like the last stanza where it is. BUT I feel like (in particular) days and hours should be flipped.. But I'm well aware that this would throw off the coordination of time, so I don't know. lol.

But otherwise, a really great poem. 5/5

Sweet poem I like how you speak concerning the future as if all the wonderful things you and your love will explore is just yet...Nice one

Wow girl!!! this poem was absolutely breathtaking. How you described the passing of time with someone and how each step is a special moment and just the words you used like gallantry and elation were brilliant choice of words to make the poem have real depth and meaning and to make the emotion of the piece really stand out. I thought this was one of your best writings yet and this one is so going into my favs!! Also getting nominated as well. Nicely written girl. :)