Comments : White winters

  • 12 years ago

    by Lune de ma vie

    What an eloquent poem. This is real affective and commanding in it's message. The opening metaphor on the opening line is really deep, I can easily feel the bitterness and frost coasted across this girls soul, great imagery.

    I love how you explained and drew out how fragile her life is, as frail as a simple snowflake and the way you describe how her emotions are held tightly within a web that will soon break.

    "She longs to see the smile on the snow man,
    She flys like the birds making angel wings."

    ^ I really dug this sentence it is really beautiful in the wording and real visual, easily able to picture within my head. I love the ending, although it is a somber write the end gives true hope and light, really magical and beautifully thought out.

    5/5

  • 12 years ago

    by Stormy

    I love the first two stanzas, though they are all very good but these grab the reader, least in my case and had me from the get go. I loved the metaphors used, excellent really. Very well done.

  • 12 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    Her life as fragile and delicately moulded as a single snow flake,
    ^So sad, really makes you feel the loneliness in your words.

    I love how this poem can be read as a personification of winter or someone struggling through life.

    Although the depth of her is as black as cole,
    ^Cole should be coal

    Strong ending! It lifts the mood a bit, I feel as though the 'strength' to move on could perhaps be that Spring brings a new beginning. Nicely done!

  • 12 years ago

    by Nema

    I love how you ended this poem with hope no matter how painful it was just a line away =)

    I'm just wondering about why your 4th couplet didn't rhyme, was this intentional? Because it kind of made the poem go of for a split of a second, y'know?

    This is truly a poem I'd call 'delicate', and although I don't really have much admiration for poems written in second person, yours still did reach my core =)

    Write on~

  • 12 years ago

    by Amreen

    OMG.... !!! I have no words for this... nominating:)

  • 12 years ago

    by Yakori bint Muhammed

    I can see how you've veered your lines drenched in tangible metaphors that can not only be seen, but felt as well with the words you've choosen. I loved that approach, smart of you and you delivered it exquisitely. Impressed with that, an exemplary way you're persuing. With your added creativity, you'll surely be superb in your writing.

    So back to your poem, I like the incorporation of the winter theme to convey this melancholic feeling. We all get caught in such sort of sceptic personal causes, feeling utterly distraught and disheartened. Life throws us with hidden traps that gets us unawares. That's why it's imperative to always have a reserve packed with unexpectancies, when they appear to be iminent. Never should trials be taken for granted, they're somewhat experiences that'll leave a lesson that is worth pondering over.

    However, when in such plights, it doesn't mean that a feeling of despondency can't be overcome gradually. Ones self-will and perseverance aids in crossing the hindrance. No matter how formidable it seems, it'll surely be over like nothing shriveling ever came lurking around ones life. That's the ending light you loomed towards at the end of the poem, it showed how much the subject is willing to attain the height of the sunshine against all odds.

    Lovely compostion and whenever one uses nature as a basis for themes it invariably adds an iota of realism in your poems.
    Keep writing, you have a great talent.
    Kudos!