Chasing Sleep

Nana, my dear friend, your work has not lost any of its impact and, in fact, I believe as I always have that you are getting better and better with each passing poem. Anyway, this poem was simple in message but very colorful and vivid. I could envision the many actions taking place as you sleep, and then the sudden waking to thunder was a really good way to end the poem. As the above comment says the ending was very easy to see coming but I really liked how you did it.

Your emotions in this poems are also really nice and you keep a good steady flow throughout the work. The scenes and images flow nicely from stanza to stanza. I tried to find a stanza that stood out to me but at this time I am unable to. Every stanza fit in nicely.

In all, you have done a great job once again and I can't wait to read some more poems by you and get caught up on my commenting. I hope to see you increase and grow as a poet as I know you have from the time you got on here till now. Great job and keep writing!!

I've noticed something about your poems Nana, you always start so good, fade a little in the middle part, and then come back just as good in the ending. I'm not sure someone told you this before, so forgive my detailed remarks lol. I'm so detail-oriented lol.

Anyways, I think I already clarified what I wanted to say about this piece. I loved your first stanza a lot, especially while picturing the sun of winter. Good choice.

"you've wrote in the poems"
^
Shouldn't it be 'written' or both work? Maybe my English is just a little poor.

"Suddenly, I forgot myself in
the clouds that tucked
me in bed, as it thundered."
^
I thought this could've been a perfect ending, the last stanza is a bit too obvious for the reader, and while it's already obvious in the title of the poem, I thought the ending could've been a bit more..vague.

However, you're a great writer and don't ever listen to anyone who tells you otherwise, beautiful =)

Write on~

Wow!!!! I love it! What a creative, interesting poem! I really liked it! The title caught my eye, and I was interested that it was related to sleep. I love how you wrote this... the beginning descriptions felt like a dream, or seeking to dream, like when we think before we fall asleep. I love how you were 'chasing sleep' and that is something we can all relate to because we've all had sleepless nights.

And the ending was just perfect... I really enjoyed your poem! Great job :)

Awesome write, my friend:)

Nana,

I don't read poetry often enough on PnQ, but when I do, I'm impressed with my fellow poets, and this is no exception. Chelsey's comment showed up in Praised Comments (mod tools) and her mention of being able to smell "wet soil" spiked my curiosity. You are a master of using basic vocabulary and uncomplicated ideas to create a sensation in the reader of reading something entirely new, beautiful, yet relatable and simple. It's never forced. It's effortless.
When I read your poems, I feel like I'm reading words etched on papers millions of years old. I want to describe the sensation as a [chilling sense of knowing], like a distant affinity.
If there is one general theme that sneaks its way into all of your writing, I would say it's "soul-searching."

I have 2 small suggestions:

"I also looked inside the lies
you've wrote in the poems
dedicate to my white face."
^ This should be dedicated, yes?

"But I remembered
to wake up, alas, never found
my sleepiness...again."
I would remove the ellipses (...) because it makes your finishing thought a bit stilted.

Lovely write, as always.