Comments : Shhhh baby, this will only hurt a little, a lot.

  • 12 years ago

    by Lune de ma vie

    This is bone chilling. Spooky and interesting in the aspect how you gave expressive emotions and thoughts of the women and man, shows what a twisted mind can think and feel. Strong write and really chilling as I said.

  • 12 years ago

    by LostWords

    Holy shit. I like the 1st person narrative approach. It leaves the reader unsettled and scared.

    The opening stanza is incredible. It made me think the way this narrator is thinking. How one could be saying, "help" but you here something different that keeps you from stopping. Woah.

    Second stanza, the word an should be 'and'

    The third stanza left chills. How you beautifully stated what was happening leaving the reader forgetting your are touching her with a KNIFE!! God.

    planting kisses on her stomach
    ^^
    Favorite part of the whole poem. It sums up itself.

    Then you use the same thing you did in the first stanza. The girl saying one thing and you hearing another, "crying" or is she "moaning"
    Freaking nasty.

    I loved it!

  • 11 years ago

    by Alanis

    Wow, now this is a dark poem, written to perfection

  • 5 years ago

    by Mr. Darcy

    I like the dark sinister tones in this. The absolute control of the dominant, knife wielding protagonist is powerful. The submissive pleas create a scene that this reader found palpable. The fact you left it midpoint allows for the reader to use their imagination - and we all know how vivid they can be.
    Excellent!