Comments : Barrette

  • 12 years ago

    by Masked metaphor

    The barrette in my brown hair used to remind
    my father of night, presidential debates the
    farthest things from our minds when he'd tell
    me Isolde, Guinevere and Cleopatra
    wore their hair back like it was cascades

    to fall asleep in.
    ^^
    To begin I have to say that I really am blown away by the creativeness of this poems structure how the line underneath completes the above stanza. I have never seen this before and have fallen in love with it. It is strong, interesting and captivating!
    I like this introduction of setting the scene you have invited us to your memories and the warm feelings that are associated with them when you reflect on your thoughts as well as your fathers. This allows the reader to also take a journey within the ancient pages of their thoughts and remember the memories of old.

    But he is not here now, and all I have to hold
    is this barrette, eyes shining as a waterfall.
    I take the barrette out gently while gazing
    at the walls that privately want love,
    like I.

    I begin to wonder.
    ^^
    Wow!! So deep, and the emotions strike out at me so closely... I love how you have added on to the story line and described your loss, linking to the one precious thing, the barrette that was once something so little but now something so treasured filled with memories, comfort and wonders.

    My knuckles crawl as I wonder, seeking my teeth like
    honey that has a bad habit of stealing moons to make
    marriages consummate.
    ^^
    I love the way you link the stanzas together with the repetition of the word 'wonder'it allows the reader to make connections throughout the poem like little signals to come back to and think upon. I like the imagery you have created with your words such as that of the knuckles crawling so powerfully gripping!
    As for the second part of this stanza I can't help but read over and over again! It's so powerfully deep capturing a well of emotions, Amazing!

    I sift through T.V. channels in my parent's house watching
    as Trojan tragedies rock back and forth and Shakespearean
    skin drinks itself to the end of lines,

    and actors lose their love with a poison
    can only write about in my diary.
    ^^
    I like these last two lines, I like this strong link you have composed between the love and poison that you can only write about in a diary, so vivid and emotive,
    Linking visuals to emotions written and drained from your pen so captivating!

    I place the grammar book to my side that speaks
    about English language like it's romance-
    placing the barrette back in my braid
    I pace,
    ^^
    I like the connection between books to the barrette and I find it so powerful symbolisiing that the barrette is so closely woven like it is held so firmly in a tight plait so imaginative and creative!

    wishing there'd be a touch of love I could feel,
    even if it ran out of lines and historicism
    ended. I wonder if there's a Juliet unwritten
    Inside.
    ^^
    All I can say is Wow!! Wow wow and wow!
    Such an emotion filled powerful ending, connecting the yearning for the love that has disappeared with death so beautiful.

    I loved it from beginning to end and it truly took me on an inner journey where I reflected on something special to me that never used to be, that only became special because it reminds me on the person that I have lost, for me it was a necklace, it always had its special parts but has been so cherished after someone I loved departed.

    Well penned
    5.5 from me