Comments : Balmy Woman

  • 12 years ago

    by nouriguess

    I am so proud and happy to be the first commenter! 2 mins and I'll be back with a damn huge comment.

    Love this.

  • 12 years ago

    by nouriguess

    Ok, so apparently I suck. My two minutes lasted for a whole day. Blame me not, it's all because of my boss. Ok I apologize.

    I don't really know what's the best place to begin my comment with but I'll start with the title since it's such an interesting one. Woman... it gives mystery to the scene. It might mean beauty or warmth or motherhood, it means so many endless things. It also might even not mean an actual woman, yknow.
    The word 'balmy' makes me just comfortable, well-placed!

    I love how you clothed the wind with the taste of vanilla, love the use of balcony. LOVE the line of 'sat on the couch enthused to her musings', I could quote this forever and ever. I can't deny that I felt distracted a little bit by the overuse of adjectives and imagery, not to mention that you paused too many times throughout the whole poem, I disliked that. Yet so sweet is the way I imagined it in my mind. Perhaps it's your style, I don't know, but I think a masterpiece should contain no unnecessary illustrations. And this one did.
    The bit about her brow being a beautiful arc of fear just made me want to scroll down and press the 'vote' button immediately. Just wonderful. I can't explain it and that's why it feels so surreal. I'm trying not to be vague here with my comment but I can't help it, haha. Like it gave me so much to ponder upon yet I am unable to pen it down and elucidate. Meh, it ain't the best feeling.
    I also disliked the 'gems' and 'jewels' image, it's overrated. I love concrete imagery and this poem has a huge quantity of it, but then in some places you're a bit going off topic, if you get what I mean. Just a suggestion so the poem would turn out to be even greater.
    : )

    Now my interpretation... I felt like this is a short movie written on paper. You were talking about a writer struggling with her poetry, then her muse finds her. I am certain she was not your lover, was she? Yet the stanza where you said the scent of incense looming around her made me feel otherwise.
    Whatevs, I'm just rambling here now.
    Midnight rambling, hope you forgive me.

    • 12 years ago

      by Yakori bint Muhammed

      Thanks for the in-depth comment and with time you'll be acquainted with my writing. Merci and Adieu.. :)

  • 12 years ago

    by Formidable Muse

    This is lovely. I was listening to Yiruma's, When the Love Falls, while reading it and they made a very good match.

    I love the way you describe this beautiful
    innocent woman.

    "Wallowing in her quaintness the
    sweetness of vanilla stirs in.
    Reviving a moment of intricate
    emotions draped on hope."

    ^^ I think that was my favorite part, although I did enjoy the entire poem. I find it to be interesting how the use of smells can make a poem so much more vivid and it can also help you to understand the character and their qualities.

    I too could see this as an intro to a film, a short film that's black in and white and possibly French...Random thought there.

  • 12 years ago

    by Ingrid

    I could see a beautiful young princess as I read this, and one that smells divine too!

    As the lucid incense of
    flowers loom around her.
    She breathes to relief a
    chain of distraught breeze.

    ^^
    This is really well worded, Yakori..your poems always leave me in awe of your knowledge of the English language!

    Well done!

    5/ 5 Ingrid

  • 12 years ago

    by Amreen

    Mesmerizing... The title is suitable for the piece... Because the adjectives you used to accentuate the persona of the lady seems soothing, elegant and priceless... I just adore your language... It takes me into a different world but the world itself is balmy, a pleasant one as your this piece is... You are simply adorable and so are your poems....
    The imagery is spot on!! Excellent... Like a movie.
    Elegant and a gracious write;)