Comments : The Playground (Triple Senryu)

  • 12 years ago

    by Wild flower

    I LOVE this piece hehehe, great job:)

  • 12 years ago

    by Darren

    Great poem Andrea

    stanza 1
    This describes where the pecking order is first learnt in the difficult days at school. Yet you almost condem them using words such as 'sadistic' 'taunt'

    stanza 2
    You then remind us the reader that they are innocent, 'little boys' takes us back to remembering they are just children after all. The girls confused? this is an early indication about how men and women think differently.

    stanza 3
    Then you bring us back to the present day, boys to men. how true that we mature (normally after woman!!) yet I like how this is linked to stanza 1, because even young boys taunt girls because they love them, it is a way for them to get noticed.

    great poem, love the form.

  • 12 years ago

    by Chelsey

    This reminds me of a joke I heard on the radio...why did the chicken cross the playground? - to get to the other slide. Bahahaha

    Ok in all seriousness I LOVE THIS. I love that it was a triple senryu because it set up your point very well....

    Stanza one: here is what the boys do.
    Stanza two: here is the girls reaction
    Stanza three: they will realize the importance of it when they are older.

    Truthfully this is so cute....reminds me of my elementary school yrs, boys picking on me, me hating it and hating them. Later to realize poking fun can be a form of flirting.

    This is adorable.

  • 12 years ago

    by Baby Rainbow

    Maple you are so talented, I have never known a string of any forms to actually tell a story in each stanza but in the whole tell a story as one, like 3 parts of a journey someone goes through. It shows 3 different ages and mindsets of the male which we know they all go through.

    Luckily enough - females are just born clever and with brains :) xx