Comments : The new girl

  • 12 years ago

    by Wild flower

    You have a strong tone here, which makes the poem powerfu, which show us the strong youl. I love your choice of words, and when reading it, it was so smooth. Great job:)

  • 12 years ago

    by Yakori bint Muhammed

    This is so powerfully described. I really hate how easily we fall vulnerable to people that aren't worthy of our love. And to add more pain to injury, we get stuck and keep nursing our pains. Giving more time for unreasonable motive; that he'll change for good. He never will, nor will he be remorseful. I wonder whether its weakness or whether its mere 'blind, deaf and dumb love' that's the cause. Why will one choose to sleep and wake up with misery clouding your existence. Choking you for all better days to come. Creating imbalance in your life and causing vague feelings.

    We should always weigh our needs and treat ourselves justly. We have no spare mind, body, heart and soul. So its paramount we tread with balance and choose to live in our affairs fairly.

    A good message. You always have a way of portraying your thoughts which intrigue me. Quiet an exemplary pattern. Keep them coming. Kudos! :) ...

  • 12 years ago

    by Baby Rainbow

    The death of us will be the rebirth of me...

    - ohhh i love this line, so have to make this a quote it is great. It is the ultimate come back state of mind, that letting go of that person will make you such a better one and offer you a better life with more happiness. Great opening line and I like how you singled it out.

    Not what you expected right? You probably
    thought I'd willingly climb into my casket
    and rot at my own funeral. You kill me-
    In a humorous way.

    - I suppose we all go through this a little, and wonder how we can go on, it is horrible when the other person acts all big and mighty like they think you will go running back because they believe they are so special you could never get over them.

    My laugh is sarcastic when I think of you,
    but I must be honest , my heart aches for
    my replacement. An innocent woman who
    expects you'll be her new beginning when
    really, you'll end all of who she is.

    - Such a sad thought that when you get rid of them it is someone else's gain which we can do nothing about. I know this feeling well and I hate knowing that they will end up feeling the pain we did, but nothing we can say will show them.

    She'll crave you like chocolate, but you're the
    cherry filled kind that turns faces sour.
    You taste good for a second then leave
    this aftertaste she can not rid. This constant
    reminder that you have fooled her.

    - Loved this idea with the chocolate Chels, you can really get a sense of how evil this person can be due to the pain they cause. And how the pain can take so long to forget like the awful taste of the chocolate you described. A constant reminder of the things we try to forget.

    She mocks me.
    She thinks she's won.
    She is happy we have traded places.

    It disgusts me.

    - Again, we wish we could just give them a hint of the pain so they could not go through it, but we can't. All we can do is be honest with them and let them make their own choices. :/ It is so annoying that even through your words I do not know this person but feel anger towards him because the way he would just keep moving on and causing the same damage.

    I wish to tell her I'm not being dramatic,
    you ARE the ultimate Casanova , the most
    swoonful man I've ever know. She will
    sacrifice other people to get close to you.

    ...eventually you'll leave her too.

    - I can sense a bit of power and control here from the person, controlling who she can and cannot see. How they manipulate you into thinking you need them and no one else so you leave other people. you think it is your choice and deny they have forced your decision but in reality it is their mind games which make you do it. We dont realise this until it is too late though.

    Its just what guys like you do, I get it.
    You find vulnerability in the hearts of
    us believers. Destroy us the second we
    fall in love, the minute we want more of you.

    - yep, there will always be these guys, and all I can say to that is what goes around comes around eventually and they will never be trully happy or find true love. Also, I am so glad for the good guys because 1 decent man makes up for a thousand of the so called "men"

    She'll find out.
    You'll be alone again.

    ...until you find your next prized possession.

    - this is what I find annoying, that we will keep on breaking hearts and think nothing of it. But like you said, he will be alone again, and a lonely life never lasts long.

    Really loved this poem Chels, I could relate to it in a few different ways but felt like I totally understood each line and felt the emotions you expressed. Well done.