Comments : Pitch Black

  • 12 years ago

    by ah satan 666

    Oooo.. I will get back to you on this poem.... (I'm working)

    Question- was the lay out of the poem intentional?

    my bad.... i should have just put, i love the layout,... i was in a rush and just asked the question.

    i read alot of poems from here on my phone, so the layout is what kinda hits me first....and with this layout for me, added more intensity for the heartache in which cara portrayed.

    as i also draw, the layout in small print looks like a downward facing spear and it cuts straight through the one line in this poem that could portray a tiny margin of comfort...because its a barrier....

    "(As if they offer some sort of protection.)"

    the poem is the "shiz" and i LOVE the layout..

    its in my favourites :)

    5/5

    • 12 years ago

      by MyHalozChokinMe

      It must be the artist in you, that enabled your eye to be drawn to the exact image I had in mind when I posted this.

      From one artist, to another, thank you!

  • 12 years ago

    by MyHalozChokinMe

    Yep.

  • 12 years ago

    by MyHalozChokinMe

    Yep.

  • 12 years ago

    by Acoustic Odyssey

    I'm loving the format, and it just adds to the intensity of your words. There's definitely a deeply embedded fear of the dark here, I feel like maybe they're seeing ghosts, or just might have an overactive imagination. With that being said, I wonder if people are more scared of the dark... or what they can imagine in it. Awesome work!

  • 12 years ago

    by Chelsey

    The layout here is PERFECT...This is exactly what happens when we cant sleep..we dont think it full sentences, its choppy, its annoying, its random....

    This is heartbreaking....Theres only so long we can do this though, laying next to someone whose hurting us, or next to someone who wont support whats wrong or comfort us, so hard...but you know what, there HAS to come a point where you can't take it anymore because it makes it cold. I have slept in a cold bed with someone before, I have rolled over crying and I just cant stand it. I will never do it again, awful feeling....

    This poem pains me to read simply because I can relate so much ...but as for the poem, as always love the wording, love what you did here and how you set it up as

    - here is what happens when I sleep
    -here is the person who makes it hard to sleep
    -here is what I cant tell you..

    It reads quick, and in the moment it happens quick. Voices speak, it drives us mad, we toss and turn, we wake that person, they notice we arent sleeping and when they ask, we are hushed, too timid to speak the truth...

    I just love this. Really I do.

  • 12 years ago

    by Wild flower

    Woooooow I didnt I read this early today?:/
    Im so in love with the format of the poem, you did an amazing job:)

  • 12 years ago

    by MyHalozChokinMe

    And thank you Wild.

    I was a bit hesitant to post the poem in this format, but your comments have assured me that I made the right decision.

    Thank you for taking the time to read =)

  • 12 years ago

    by Baby Rainbow

    Woooh, love the shaoe, your poems always look so appealing. This is a very sharp pointing tool which indicates to me the depth and pain in the poem, perhaps anger and frustration too from lack of sleep and lack of confidence to tell the person the truth about your feelings.

    As for the poem, I loved the flow it was so fast which makes it a poem we can read again and again. The powerful words really echo throughout the poem and remain strong in my head each time I read them. It really expresses your emotions as they continue to consume you as you try to sleep.

    I could relate to this and the thought of going to sleep, I hate sleeping and always stay up as late and as long as I can to avoid sleep.

    You give the impression that you know why you cannot sleep but are too ashamed to tell the person who I assume you are sharing your life with, and your heart, and soul, so it makes me question what this thing is, because it is eating you inside and must be so overwheming to carry it alone, it also must be so degrading and shameful in your head that you feel you cannot share this with them.

    Adored this poem <3 xx

  • 12 years ago

    by MyHalozChokinMe

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