A Glimpse of Life

by Xanthe   Oct 30, 2012


Somehow I felt the urge
to rip myself apart again tonight.
But like a shred of tissue overused,
I couldn't.
I was far too fragile, you said.
And I knew the outcome would
be something I won't have a remedy for
this time.

The stench of the infirmary is
something I always knew I'd never
get used to; I'm learning to
associate it with depression and
nothing else.

She held my hand in a viselike grip
as though her very life depended on
that casual connection;
as if I could hold on to it for her a
little longer than her tiny hands could.

O foolish girl

I kept her behind grey doors
too unfitting for the colour of her lips,
her cheeks, her tomorrow...

Last night, she stopped dreaming,
and she's crying again.
I heard the loneliness and the grief
that which are borne out of
the most unattractive sobs.

It's one in the morning
and
only darkness exists outside
my window.
Even the sky has vanished
for a moment,
leaving a void
that not even humanity's greed
could fill.

But somehow, I could see
everything.

10/30/12

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Latest Comments

  • 11 years ago

    by Jenni Marie

    "I'm truly astounded how the author manages to emotionally captivate the reader in this poem without the emotion becoming overwhelming to the point of making the reader want to cease reading, because it is is so unbearably sad.

    Those opening lines are hands down my favourite as it makes me question why the author would want to rip themselves apart and why they feel they are already so broken that they simply can not anymore...because one can not rip themselves apart if they are broken before they wish to. And this makes me wonder what has happened to cause this feeling. The analogy of a shredded tissue was something I became fond of immediately.

    The use of "Tiny hands" makes me think the author is talking about a small child that is sick?
    And when I take the infirmary verse and couple it with the previous line of not having a remedy for the outcome, is the author talking about death here?
    I really enjoyed the detail in the closing lines, it is filled with so much meaning especially when the author states how not even humanity's greed could feel the void. This is heartbreaking.

    This is truly a beautiful and moving poem and again I adore how the author is able to take such a tragic topic and turn it into a fine piece of art."

    :)

  • 12 years ago

    by Jenni

    I read both poems, that you posted, but I like this one better, which is probably because I've got a better understanding for this one than the other. They are both written very well, which isn't surprising as they are both coming from you, yet I prefer this exactly because of the way I relate to it.
    If I had read the title without seeing that it was from you, I certainly wouldn't have guessed for it to be yours. Usually your titles are so extraordinary and always leave me questioning what they mean, while this is rather straight to the point and clear to the point.

    The beginning is very intruiging because obviously the persona is dealing with a very tough situation, that makes her want to change her existence in a way. (I do not want to say kill herself because I feel as though that would go too far.) Although "again" might seem like a very little word, it has so much meaning here and I was struck immediately.

    "But like a shred of tissue overused,
    I couldn't."
    ^ Your wording is excellent, I feel as though this couldn't have been said any better. The persona is needed, just like we need tissues to dry our tears, yet she's so little and probably wet from those dried tears(metaphorically), that it can't be ripped.
    I'm wondering what was the persona too fragile for and how does it affect the other person... who must be utterly important as the person wouldn't want to leave something behind, without solving it.

    "The stench of the infirmary is
    something I always knew I'd never
    get used to; I'm learning to
    associate it with depression and
    nothing else."
    ^ We should never have to get used to it, but the persona even saying that makes it seem as though she's spend various times there and feels as though she probably should.. which saddens me. I do see why she'd associate it with depression because although it helps many people daily, there are still those that eventually die there.... and obviously that will burn a scar, way deeper than the soothing fo someone elses recovery.

    I am just wondering who is it that is the one in hospital because the desperation and frustration both of you feel is overwhelming. The persona does not seem as weak as made out to be, maybe tired, but not week.. because after all she wants to be the one holding on and making sure it's all okay, so that this other persons hands aren't stretched because of being unable to hold the "burden".

    "I kept her behind grey doors
    too unfitting for the colour of her lips,
    her cheeks, her tomorrow..."
    ^ Do I hear a sound of regret in the personas voice? It feels as though she tried to protect her all along, but will no longer be able to because she realizes that this person needs to be able to flower out. I am assuming that her color is a delicate rosy, which shows how full of life she is.

    "Last night, she stopped dreaming,
    and she's crying again.
    I heard the loneliness and the grief
    that which are borne out of
    the most unattractive sobs."
    ^ I think that here you need to decide whether you say "that" or "which", both just doesn't seem right to me. She's losing... the persona and that smothers her dreams. Her sobs are probably only unattractive because of the reasoning... I think that other than that everything about her is attractive, even if she cries, she is probably still unbelievably beautiful... it is just the cause that makes it so utterly painful to watch.

    The ending feels as though the persona finally realizes what all this is about and developes an understanding, that is spoken about when close to death... which is just far too heartwrenching. It saddens me even more that the persona is not losing a word about "her" anymore... as though it was unbearable to leave her behind.

    Sigh.... I relate far too fell to this poem and I am sorry for overanalyzing... but it felt so relieving.. be fine!

  • 12 years ago

    by Karla

    Favourite Poetess,

    The ending was awesome!Stellar!

  • 12 years ago

    by Dagmar Wilson

    I sure missed reading your amazing pieces.
    Living a life in complete darkness, it sounds
    so familiar. No matter what we are still hanging on to life with every strength in our body hoping to pull ourselves out of this dark hole and see the sunlight again.

  • 12 years ago

    by L

    Hey Xanthe,

    I'm reading this piece and I have no idea who I and She are.
    So I'm going to assume that the "I" is you and "she" is a friend.

    A glimpse of life

    -- I like the title, whenever I think about glimpse of life.. I picture someone ill. It's usually in those moments when one is closer to death that one can see life. At least that's what I've been told.

    Somehow I felt the urge
    to rip myself apart again tonight.
    But like a shred of tissue overused,
    I couldn't.

    --- Sighs.. seems like that's what I have been doing lately. Sighing that is. How can one rip oneself apart when we are already shredded? that was a clever way of making the reader ask that question on their own instead of you asking that question. I love it when I am not asked questions rather when I am the one asking the questions in the poems.

    I was far too fragile, you said.
    And I knew the outcome would
    be something I won't have a remedy for
    this time.

    --- I also like this one because I'm wondering what is it that you have that doesn't have any remedy? But I am still keeping in mind the shredded part.

    The stench of the infirmary is
    something I always knew I'd never
    get used to; I'm learning to
    associate it with depression and
    nothing else.

    --- So it could be depression after all. Though, what caused the depression rather what broke/shredded you? those are my thoughts as I am reading.

    She held my hand in a viselike grip
    as though her very life depended on
    that casual connection;
    as if I could hold on to it for her a
    little longer than her tiny hands could.

    -- I'm wondering who is she? But whoever she is she held your hand pretty strong. That was a clever way of saying that with "viselike grip" too strong, not willing to let go. Tiny hands, you have used that in one of your previous poem but I can't remember which one. I'm trying to figure out just to see if I can pin point who is she.

    O foolish girl

    I kept her behind grey doors
    too unfitting for the colour of her lips,
    her cheeks, her tomorrow...

    -- hmm.. this adds a sinister tone to me.. :-s
    I read it as though this person venerated you and you did the opposite for this someone.
    But on second read or may be more, I though that perhaps you tried to keep this persona away. or that due to depression this someone also saw depression and you thought this someone didn't deserved that.

    Last night, she stopped dreaming,
    and she's crying again.
    I heard the loneliness and the grief
    that which are borne out of
    the most unattractive sobs.

    --- For some reason the "she" seems to be you. But when I think about it.. it might just not be you. Perhaps, this someone couldn't take it anymore or perhaps, I am imagine some sad ending...

    It's one in the morning
    and
    only darkness exists outside
    my window.
    Even the sky has vanished
    for a moment,
    leaving a void
    that not even humanity's greed
    could fill.

    -- Nice detail, not even humanity's greed could fill. That says it all. Humanity greed has no limit. Sadly. So that void has no limit.

    But somehow, I could see
    everything.

    Over all, I'm at lost. Well, not much. What I understood is that someone might have passed away or was closed to death. And she was there next to this someone obfuscating her life as well, but no matter what this persona always remained with this someone until the moment when this someone almost passed away. That's what I am guessing

    and when that happened this someone was finally able to see a glimpse of life.
    Though, I'm still unsure if someone passed away or if this someone is alive.

    Overall, I like the metaphors of this piece and the mystery of this piece.

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