So Nick, was this the CLS A340-500 or the Boeing 747-8? " que a mile long.." must have been quite an experience. Surely for me to avoid flying these monsters. I am happy with the 747's or anything smaller.

And I can understand how hard the last rows of seats can be....terrible, particularly for someone who can get airsick. The tail is always wagging, and this is where the airline love to put families with small children, on purpose. I have had the experience, and so make sure in advance my seats are not at the end.
And I fully sympathize with your unfortunate experience...

I thought this was hilarious....yes they call the seat numbers out but generally it's a free for all and the reason is...if you wait as requested...you have no overhead space when you finally get to your seat. There were so many other funny things that are real when flying...the armrest is a classic example...who does it belong to?....the random smells the occur but no one claims responsibility....we just all guess who it was or could have been...the flushing of the toilet is such a nuicance if you end up at the back and yet....on long haul flights I always request a seat there in the hope that the row will be empty and I can stretch out knowing that most people want to be at the front to get off quicker....never understood the reasoning of that because....the baggage people dictate when you luggage arrives on the carousel.....this was just so accurate of time spent in flight...I just loved it!

I have the funniest story I could tell you about a vegetarian I sat next to on a journey to UK....man it was classic!

I seriously hate planes and flights such as this... its a good way to get someplace fast, but you penned something that I myself have felt... I could feel the scrunchy feeling you get when jammed on an airplane... love this!

I've come back to this... Really love this writing... I would love to see you break it down into an Ode of some sorts... or maybe see you write an Ode... I think you could really smack it.. I'm sorry for being so weird, I just really get excited when a write affects me... :-) again thank you for sharing!

Awesome, and very funny. I love the sarcastic tone throughout.

The flights sound like hell, I am keeping my feet on the ground.

This made me laugh and think about all my horrible experiences while flying. I once got stuck between to very young girls who decided it was okay to sprawl their legs all over me while they slept. And the other one kept jamming her head into my rib cage in her sleep :/

Anyway, this was awesome. Fun and interesting to read!

-Liz

Bravo! Good to hear your tone again and a wonderful free flow :) Merry Xmas if you are still on here and remember me mate.

Lol Oh Nicko! This was very handy, it made me really smile and giggle a lot, I just loved how accurate you were in your descriptions. It was all one package I can't pick a favorite part but when you mentioned not to watch plane crash investigations again it made me laugh because I keep on watching these and kind of felt what kind of thoughts you had at that time.

The wooshing was hilarious, the way you described the man next to you, size wise, was really brilliant. I could have read this no matter how long! Thanks a lot for sharing this and you can bet I am not planning to get into a plane until I forget this piece :P

on another note, although it is a slang poem, allow me to tell you that you have to change this

take off too landing.
^
into this:

take off to landing.

too: to.

You need to write more you know XD

Fella I feel you on this one, I take an 8ish hour flight every few months and I could relate to so much hahaha loved your voice throughout, saved to favs so i can literally lmao

All the best mate

Ben

Really cool write, hehe. I have been to only four plane flights in all my life but I can totally relate. Your creativity is very much appreciated. This is great!