Comments : Maneuver

  • 12 years ago

    by PinkyPrincess

    Wow! I love this poem. I wasn't sure what to expect to read from the title, so I really enjoyed the subject when I read this.

    I love this part:

    "let not the snow leave a print, lose me in your mind, lose me in thoughts."

    And the last part was so nice to read:

    "Then seek me out
    through the clasps
    of your arms,
    that plunge
    within my heart-
    find me in yours.

    But nowhere next to you."

    ^^ I love your choice of words.. simple yet so meaningful. I like the use of "clasps of your arms that plunge within my heart" .. this part really affected me.

    The only thing I can say is I didn't understand the reference to the wolf outside. I didn't get why you'd want to pretend like a wolf is out there. Feel free to elaborate on this!

    Overall - I really enjoyed this poem. Great job!

    • 12 years ago

      by Sunshine

      Thanks a lot for your comment :) and I will, but 1st I'd like to see how others, if anyone would read that part.

      you're so sweet

  • 12 years ago

    by Maple Tree

    I can't ellaborate on this... some pieces just speak for themselves... Nana... I LOVE THIS!

  • 12 years ago

    by Darren

    On it........

    ok so we have Mr Wolf in this poem, I will go through stanza by stanza to see why he is watching you

    stanza 1
    Ok my interpratations are usually a bit off or a bit too deep, however I feel that your partner is starting to worry and withdraw, he is not reacting to your affection, maybe he is seeping into depression, 'the wolves from the door' is a common expression that depicts tough times, I feel he is going through tough times and is more concerened with how he is struggling rather than accepting your help, darkness and cold adds to the atmosphere, swalling silince is very clever, to me this suggests mind racing, he is hearing all these thoughts going around his head, not taking time to relax.

    stanza 2
    this is clever imagery that links to the previous stanza, a print in snow gives the image of somebody who was there and is no longer, he is deep within himself.

    stanza 3
    Here you are offering your help, you are asking him to remember what really matters, you share your heart with him, he did the same with you, he needs to look inside and remember that.

    final line

    this had me stumped for a while, but I think you are reminding him to look within rather than around.

    as I said, probably too deep but this is how your poem read to me.

    • 12 years ago

      by Sunshine

      I am impressed Darreeenn, except that what you wrote about him is actually the me part, as about me, that's why I called it Maneuver...
      knew it would trick, so thanks for being smart.

      all your comments are appreciated everyone really, been a while since I wrote anything, thanks MEME

  • 12 years ago

    by Meme

    Read this on FB and it just blew me away!!

    OMG Nana, this is one of your finnest pieces. The emotions here are overwhelming me, I dont know what to say because you just said it all in here. I felt it, and I can relate to it, and this must be nominated next week.

    xxxxx

  • 12 years ago

    by Naughtymouse

    Nana...this is awesome....it is also not fair that i dont have my nomination button ggrrrr

    Seriously great write Nana as always :-)

  • 12 years ago

    by Decayed

    Okay... you want my honesty ? :p

    I am still waiting for you to write something like Fleeing Sands, or India, or Father, or 87, etc.... those old poems which are full of Nana.

    I know there will come a time when you'll write something like that again, but not with this one....!

    Regarding this, it's a great piece, not your best attempt for a long time without writing, but it's enjoyable.

    I liked the 1st half more... the part of the 'wolf' is lovely!!

    Well-Done... yesterday when you sent me the fcbk message I was sleeping :P sorry... now I came <3

  • 12 years ago

    by Tara Kay

    I can see that you have found writing a little difficult of late, and I can see that there is a definite sense of sadness in here...I also find that there are alot of metaphors I cannot understand and that may just be me, but I felt like there is much you want to say but cannot say directly, if that makes sense.

    I don't want to criticise this piece, and really there isn't anything too criticise, but I like this one, it's different...

    x

  • 12 years ago

    by Jad

    Despite what others have said I still believe this be a great piece of yours and your sad poetry has always had a effect on me that always let influence me to the point of writing a poem. Anyway, this poem has a sad but hopeful outlook to it. Your telling someone to look inside and to love them for what is on the inside rather then what they can see. Or perhaps you are wanting them to realize that you are gone now and no longer part of their life, but you want them to remember you through their memories of you in their heart. Either way I am probably off on my interpretation, but I loved every part of this poem.

    "Then seek me out
    through the clasps
    of your arms,
    that plunge themselves
    within my heart-
    find me in yours.

    But nowhere next to you."
    ^^^
    This was a great ending and your imagery is really amazing and your emotions are deep and meaningful. Each line paints part of a picture for me and by the end I have a full painting that is beautifully written. It's true there are hints of sadness all throughout the poem but it seems as if you are also trying to encourage someone in their personal life and how they feel about you. I would have added the first section to comment on but I would have written you a epic of a comment before I was finished. I loved the imagery of the wolf venturing through the night as the cold wind blows the snow around. Your imagery, as always, is amazing.

    In all, I really loved this piece and it may not be your best piece ever but it is simply amazing and full of words from your heart and has meaning and depth to it. I am glad to read your work again and be able to comment on it. I hope you continue to write and learn from it and write with more maturity, which may be impossible since your writing is already amazing. Once again great job and keep writing!!

  • 11 years ago

    by Maple Tree

    This piece was a beautiful display of a lost relationship... It tossed me into a mindset and visual display of a guy and girl lost in the woods... almost like an apparition, and in the mist the girl is gone... It's heartbreaking and yet the author created such a powerful visual... the emotions can be felt the entire piece...

    The title intrigues me... Its as almost if the author is saying, toss my broken heart behind your back... when really the broken heart is in front, face to face... Mercy, this was just a very creative and sad piece... Very nice!!!