On this stage
as i face the struggle within
setting the past aside
i've grown used to my indecent hostilities
transfixed by the sadness of poverty
i tire of the disappearance of life
doing things no one appreciates
i try to ignore the irrational
shall i go on- keeping up the payments of life?
all the crazy torment, of taking chances
i utter the words while the past twists and turns
as I keep talking it over with me...with God
covered in despair i feel like a discoverer...
on a ship with no life raft moved to the side of the river
i've fought through the inevitableness of agony
accused of an increase of emptiness
i've sacrificed romance forever
with the time ticking away
time has no explanation
it's all- or nothing
along the path with life's mortgage past due
haunting memories -rehashing the disorder of belief
i assessed my expectations
i'm just too tired to play the games anymore
i accuse destiny of my dying inside
i inherit threats of leaving
coloring the days and nights for the time being
in this land of dreams, an unbearable obsession devours me...
i was so torn by the exit of you
somehow i've grown accustomed of losing everybody in this life
should i let my despair show...
beholding an obscure face
with tears refusing to cry their wetness
breaking apart
feeling nothing
as the moon lights the frozen lake?
sizing up all this misery
i don't know how i got here
hardly moving through the being of the world
are the fish still biting...i
in the loneliness of this unsavory landscape?
across the street i laugh at the untutored shouts
of night's uncertainty...
it's all so altogether painful
i expose everything
tricked by the bitterness of change in the unproductive rain
i'm drifting through things of the past
complete with prophetic discontent
i tell you... the nonchalance of it all is disgusting
the difficulty of pretending about my place in this world
setting everything in motion as the night passes
i face stale foolishness
love is just so much unplanned profanity...
the misbegotten affairs- the liars, the cheaters
what uncolorful experiences
i move through life's hurt
as a grenadiers song is playing
and all those sterile people I choose to leave alone
now, at this time in the night...
the night the moon refused to shine
i'm in seclusion dropping out
in the yellow of the cold december moonlite
wanting to leave behind
the hurt -the damage
lost in grief
one last time
with no feelings left to share
__________________________________________
by anne p murray
