In the daytime I can lie,
To others and to myself,
Convince everyone that I am happy,
But when the night comes,
And darkness transends,
I am lost in my own thoughts,
I struggle to breath
As the waves of my dispear pull me under,
I claw and fight,
Struggling to stay afloat
The taste of salty water
Bringing bile to my mouth,
The taste of bittersweet disapointment.
And in the cave I drown in
My miserable thoughts echo,
And echo,
And echo,
Until the silence of being under
Begins to look desirable
My body restless in it's sleep.
And then the sun rises
And I smile and laugh
Blocking my thoughts with trivia,
Pretending I am happy, normal.
I wish I could simply turn to you and say,
"I am drowning here
Please help me
Tell me I'm not a failure,
Make the doubt go away.
Help me feel human."
But I cannot
And will not,
So night after night
I will drown in self pity
As you sleep peacefully
Blissfully ignorant to my struggle
To survive.
