The Sun

I miss it,
I miss the wall of nothingness,
A cold wake of water that drowns all and yet I was not submerged,
Then how is it that I drown in the shallow?
I remember being stabbed through the heart,
I remember not realising it,
Until the knife was pulled from thy heart,
I miss its cut,
A pain that is delivered and held onto,
It even itself shall become numb.

Dead to all that is a life,
Then why is it that you revive me?
Years it has been since I lived,
And yet you awoke me.
Angel,
Demon,
I do not know,
But I remember the eve of your smile like the assent of the sun,
And I receeded as one of the undead.

But yet your rays still pursued me into my dark abandon,
And so many were gathered before you like doves to feed,
But just as the night comes and makes the sun just a dream,
So did your rays of filling,
They touched my soul again... and so many others.
A wall I built, knowing your dangers,
And yet you still continued to raise and lift the darkness from my eyes... and so many others.

You punctured a hole through my wall with your light...
...and so many other walls.
My teeth bared, and growling like a beast,
A fist for a brick, and the wall did break... and so did thy mighty fist.

You rose again, in thy shining brilliance of mist and sun, and warmth,
And another wall of ice did melt away, and I smiled.
Your words, they graced my heart and spoke in a language unknown, 'I love you.'
The third and final wall did break, and my heart was bared.

Another came and stood beside me in the light,
A man,
And the darkness returned and so did the violent surge,
But thy mighty and broken fist be broken and useless from the thrashing of my first wall.
And I be broken by a lowly jealous boy.
My arm be shattered now,
A bat for an arm, and I stand again.

And your rays did find me, and I kissed the sun,
...But there are still others...
They too rose with your morning light that shined on many,
Not realising it be yours, the sun's way to light up everyone, and so they came in droves seeking your affections, but you denied them, and loved me.
My heart did melt.

But thy lowly and jealous boy returned to try and regain your rays, and my violence came,
A darkness that even you, my sun, could not make leave, but oh how it has faded.
And again... you jumped off from your perch and into him,
My body not realising that you enjoy the show of two gladiators for your rays,
And a strength I did not know filled me and I stopped the death blow.

Blood soaked into my garments and I began to sweat and groan,
Trembling at the pain that filled my chest,
And I wept my bitter blood for you,
I looked to the sun, and only saw the moon,
A day had passed, and I did not know, and you were gone with yet another,
And so I waited.
Resting on my weary knees,
And when you rose, my sun, my ray of light,
I stared into you, deep and lasting,
In this remembrance, I have crumbled, I have fought, and I have wept, and yet you--you feel nothing but sweet joy from my mistakes.

I am nothing but a man, and not a hero to behold.

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For myself...