Forgetting how to care

Everything I do is becoming flat,
painfully struggling to maintain dimensions.
Doing good brings no more satisfaction.

I know that I sound self-centered
and that I should probably be altruistic
putting my personal needs behind,
but the truth is, who am I kidding?
Aren't we all selfish in the end?

The ice in my core
that I once melted with warm affection
and concern for others
has reached zero degrees again,
frosting my inner beliefs,
perturbating my passionate thoughts.

I have lost track of my emotions.
Where are they heading?
The ironic thing that I discovered
is that selfish equals altruistic.
So how did I become neither one?

The good that I'm doing is no longer rewarding.
The smiles that I'm getting bring me nothing.

I have forgotten what it's like
to feel personal pleasure.