Too many reasons

I'm crying for too many reasons
i can't go forward or back to how it was before

i want to die for too many reasons
i can't stay here anymore

I'm angry for too many reasons
i hate hating all that's close to me

I'm jealous for too many reasons
i can't watch everyone else be happy

no, i don't want to talk about it
no, I'm not alright

no, i don't need you to call me
no, i don't want to go on a walk with you tonight

no, you don't understand
no, i won't accept your apology

no, i won't be okay
no, I'm not happy

this isn't how i want it to be
this isn't how i planned it to be

this is all my fault
this is God's way of punishing me

I'll never be okay
I'll never belong

my depression is here to stay
my anger will never be gone

i knew the world would hurt again one day
but i believed you anyway

i knew it was too good to be true
but i just wanted so much to believe you

i wanted to believe in a thing called love
i wanted to believe I'd be happy

i wanted to believe everything wasn't so bad
i wanted to believe that you loved me

my family doesn't even love me
so why would you?

my friends don't even care
so why would i expect you to?

Why is God punishing me?
i don't understand what i did that was so wrong

Why is God ruining me?
making me weak when i was finally strong

Why is God hating me?
having fun torturing what's left of my body

Why is God tormenting me?
taking away my everything

give me a reason
why i shouldn't just die

just write a note
and grab the knife

give me a reason
to let myself live this life

after all of this pain?
I'll never be "alright"

*I'll add more later maybe. as for now, comment and vote please