Comments : If Please is the Magic Word

  • 12 years ago

    by Wild flower

    O.O wow, this is really touching. Its like you're desperate, you just want it to happen.
    If please is a magic word many thongs would change, maybe your life too.
    Awesome job:)

  • 12 years ago

    by L

    Yeah, chelsey, this sounds like you are desperate.

    Nah nah, in a way I'm glad is just a poem. Though, in my opinion is better when one earns "something" instead of when someone gives you someyhjh just because one asks for it. ;)

    It's much rewarding. I guess the same happens to love. It's also earned in a way. It's earn with care, affection, attention, love and not with money per se.

    And that's what I felt you wanted to say, but when you reached the end I changed my mind.

    I'm just babbling.. I like this write because it shows a different emotion and it's interesting.

  • 12 years ago

    by Chelsey

    Lol Luce you just confused the mess out of me...this was not out of desperation, like I'm lonely, like I'm settling for someone and just want them because I've asked and I think I should get it.....more like, this person is so fascinating, so surreal, that I'd do anything to keep him and the only thing I can do to keep him is ask :).....the title came before the idea then I just went with it.. haha! Hope I cleared it up doll!

  • 12 years ago

    by Baby Rainbow

    Has anyone ever told you, you're like a figurine
    inside a snow globe? You're painted with the perfect smile,
    creating the perfect scene, and even when you're shaken,
    you catch snowflakes on your tongue because you're
    happy to be in the moment. Always looking heavenly,
    inviting, and alive.

    - what a beautiful openeing to describe this person as what is inside a snow globe. The figures inside these gifts are so mesmerising and happy and they look like they belong there and create joy whereever they go. It gives of the impression that this person is very calming and angelic on the heart and eyes.

    If I asked nicely, could you welcome me into your
    wonderland? I need a piece of whatever you've
    taken, and I need the joy that comes with your
    laughter.

    - this is nice because the snow globe relates to christmas for most people and by you describing their world as wonderland makes me imagine a scene of them being in the globe with snow all around and you joining them and sharing this happy feeling.

    Please, tell me I can keep you. Not like a memory
    I put in the attic after Christmas, but keep you as in
    forever. Eternally devoted to one another even though
    the idea is a wrecking ball. Even though people may
    disagree.

    - this again relates to the snow globe as mnay of them are simply brought out for christmas then put away again. You do not want this to be a one off thing you want to have them forever and keep them for always. It implies here that not everyone would like to see this relationship take place but it is what your heart desires regardless.

    Please, let me show you what you've been missing
    while living in a loveless world of Misses, that play
    dress up in their imaginary thoughts of a relationship.
    I come with the real deal. The outpouring of affection
    you have not been shown. The touch you have not yet
    been caressed by.

    - this states that no one else will love them the way you do, the way only you can. None of the other girls would measure up to what you can give them and in here you are begging them to give you the chance to do so. It is so touching to know they mean this much to you.

    I've always been given what I requested when saying
    the magic word and if that's all it takes to win you,
    then please, can I have you? Can I keep you?

    - I like the ending because it reminds me of the saying " I want's don't get " mostly said by parents to their children and so the children learn to say ! please may I have? " therefor think please will get them it. It is a nice thought to be able to say please and have the person that we want and fel we need.

    I just have one suggestion and I do not know why but it is in my head so I will share it. Through out your layout of this poem the last line is always shorter with only one or few words which really stand out to me. The last stanza does not have this and I feel the main point of this poem is about the word please, and about you begging for this person you desire. I wonder if the last line of this stanza could be the repeated Please? Standing alone, since it would empower this point and when we beg for something we repeat the please endlessly so the repetition would work here for this poem and I think end with the result of showing how desperate you want this.

    Lovely poem and well written.