Comments : Memorable Past

  • 11 years ago

    by Khalid M Darwish

    OMG, what a beautiful lovely poem! You know I feel it somehow belong to the sad category more than to the love one. But even though it proves the strong power of love you had and still have.

    The feelings that I have for you, is not gone
    For they still linger inside my open heart
    I pray someday, that I will let you go
    But for now, I do not know

    ^^^ A powerful expression. Here I prefer if you'd replace "not" with "never" but it's upto you.
    ^^^
    The past, oh, I remembered it so well
    When I fell head over heels for you, I knew you could tell
    We never did get the chance to explore
    And now there is an unfulfilled open door

    This stanza reveals how strong were the circumstances you encountered from the begining of love story. I loved it.

    ^^^

    I would grab at the moment for what we know is near
    Yet my soul, am afraid to loose and that is what I fear
    Our love is like no one else,
    Because, we can't control the attraction we felt

    I think the expression "am afraid to loose" should be "I am afraid to lose". Also "we felt" should be "we feel".

    ^^^

    I wished we could make love at least once
    But we can't because we have someone
    Yet in our hearts our love will forever last
    never forgetting our memorable past

    The last line should begin with a subject such as "We are" unless it's related to the line before and in this case you have to add a joining word like "hence" or a word of your choice.
    OVERALL: Your poem is marvelous and step-by-step you're getting brilliant.
    Thank you for sharing.

  • 11 years ago

    by ornella

    Hi there am really *blushed* that you enjoyed that write it is a favorite of mine i will make the amends when I can as I am at work most times

  • 11 years ago

    by L

    In the first line,

    The feelings that I have for you, is never gone

    I think it should be either "the feeling... Is never gone"
    Or " the feelings... ARE never gone.

    I liked this piece, it runs smooth. It has rhymes and also emotion. Well done

    • 11 years ago

      by ornella

      Thank you i will make the adjustment needed

  • 11 years ago

    by Amreen

    This again is a beautiful piece. You write with emoitons and thats what captures attention... Good description of events here.
    Typo at verse 2 line 1:
    ' I remembered it so well'
    should be
    'I remember it so well'

    • 11 years ago

      by ornella

      Thank you kind sir :)