Comments : Just another victim

  • 12 years ago

    by Khalid M Darwish

    I loved the title that referred to the fact that you're not only his 1st victim but rather added to who's prior to you. Now the poem: Regarding the 3rd and 4th lines, the 3rd has the expression "it is my fault" but since you ended the line with "?" mark the expression should be "is it my fault". The 4th line should end with "?" since it's a question.

    Now another point is that you used puntuation at the end of every line, why? This remains questionable, unless you remove the commas. The final version of the poem maybe as follows:

    Just another victim that is what I am
    As I am being abused, by the hands of a jealous man
    Beaten every day, is it my fault that I am here?
    Then why is it that no one else seems to care?

    Stuck in this empty room, every single day
    Can't get out, no matter how hard I pray
    Only to wait for him to come again
    And take whatever he wants; will it ever end?

    I cried myself to sleep every single night
    Trying to ask God in the process, to take my life
    Empty as I am, I will never be free
    Left in the darkness, after he is through with me

    This is my life, his servant & slave
    Loneliness is my friend, his wrath I can't escape
    For I am a victim, that is what I am
    Stuck in this life where I am abused,
    by this mad man.

    Overall
    The poem discusses one of the most common problems of the community everywhere in the world, where the woman really appears as a slave in hands of a cruel and unmerciful man. This is really saddening and sorrowful.
    I loved the topic and how you mentioned as a screaming person looking for a solution.
    Nice write.