Ontic

I am a patzer in this game,
But a maven none the less.
I am exiguous, just like you.
But I too have feelings I suppress.

I fear of a reality,
It frightens me to the core.
So I try to remain risorial,
Even though I know there's nothing more.

I am flagitious because of it,
Manipulative, impudent, and shameless
However, I am refreshed by it,
Because in the end it was painless.

If I was given the capacity to feel,
I wasn't granted the ability.
For every time I do love, hate, or cherish,
It just exposes my fragility.

I'm too scared to test my boundaries,
But more recently too numb to even care.
I don't know what's real anymore,
How do I compare?

They'll call me louche,
Tell me I am dross.
Only this time I'll agree,
And accept this meaningless loss.

Because we all lose this game,
We haven't got a choice.
If I'm ontic we share this fate,
And that's why I rejoice.

(c) 2012