Tony, this was very well written but very dark and kind of made me feel uneasy.
You really have a talent to make the reader feel exactly how they are meant to.

Awesome but a totally freaky write.
x

This is a very chilling poem. Its a sad and dark reality. I love some of the words you used in this piece. Just a few things.. "sent" should be "scent". And the 4th stanza "there" should be "their". Perfect, otherwise.

-Liz

My interpretation of this is that an innocent little girl gets abducted by an evil, sick man who has possibly been watching her from afar for some time.

The ending is heartbreaking, having the mother's cry repeating in your mind. So sad.

This has great imagery. You definitely captured the uneasy feeling for the content of this poem.

Dang! Super intense, somewhat creepy!

Loved the way you personigied nature in here, I feel like I dont see nature too much in dark poems so this was kind of unique.

Well done!

In your first stanza, I love "Green Mattress!!!

LOVED THAT... I can't tell you how many times I've fallen asleep in the grass... very comfortable!

I realize I got lost on my nature tangent in my first stanza, but I know that doesn't shock you because Im a nature chic!! lol

The darkness of this write was deep, and I can take it many ways...evil consumed her... she got lost in the demons of the night... sighs... yeah this is wonderful! just wonderful!

Aww... this poem was dark and sad... I love the first two stanza.. it was sweet and I could sense the innocence of the girl you were describing.. but then you foreshadow an evil man lurking around who later does something terrible... like rape and/or kill her.

The ending was upsetting and sad! And as the reader, I don't really know what happens exactly so that really sparked my curiosity.

As always, a very well-written poem by you! :)

The scent of summers beginning
bathed in the crisp breeze, vibrant
colours consume its green mattress.

- a very good start to the poem, opening it with such a vivid scene and setting the tone right away.

She ran through her garden
caressing each single drop of
beauty with lolly pop kisses.

- I loved this little stanza because it describes a single moment in time but in such a big way. It makes me try and imagine the garden and what it is like.

He stares at her, with evil buried
in his eyes ready to take his obsessive
dreams , into a forbidden reality.

- this is the spin in the poem, the twist from the light into the darkness, it is very creepy and well written.

Their eyes eclipse, her tiny hands
tremble with fear, thirty seconds later
she was banished from the sun.

- " banished from the sun" that is just so powerful and unique. using " her tiny hands" makes this imagery so much more intense because you imagine a very young innocent child.

I remember her mothers voice,
her cries repeating in my fragile mind-
While looking into her purified soul
I realized-

- that is very touching, I can imagine this mother in distraight, when learning that her daughter has been abducted.

There's no going back.

- nice strong ending, sad and powerful which completes a powerful poem.

This was very interesting and a bit different from you I thought, it is definatly one of your best.

This holds such a haunting feeling to it! The word eerie comes to mind.

"she was banished from the sun"

Such an eloquent way of expressing either death or some other form of nonexistence. Very well written!

The scent of summers beginning
^ The scent of [summer's] beginning

I remember her mothers voice,
^ I remember her [mother's] voice

I like the smooth flow of this piece which is obtained through its continuous similar meter counts!

I can definitely tell, you're getting better and better at it! Bravo!

"I read this quite a few times, and each time the poem became more intense and real to me. The way the author starts out made me picture an enjoyable summers day, with a child playing, basking in her innocence, enjoying her youth and completely unaware of the dangers that surrounded her.

The use of "Tiny hands" really struck a chord inside me. Whilst it's true there's too many horrors in this world, it is always made so much worse when something terrible happens to a child, especially a young one. And the way the author started off with such an enjoyable and somewhat hopeful tone, the atmosphere immediately changes to something dark and scary with just those two words.

The last stanza really gave me goosebumps. It allowed me to visualise a mother desperately searching for her child, breaking down when she realises her child is lost forever, and I can only imagine the pain and terror that would overwhelm the mother upon learning and realising all of this, and in so few words the author manages to portray so much emotion.
I liked the fact that the author switched, even temporarily, between the narrator, the child, and the mother. It allowed me to feel and see each individual emotion throughout.
The last line really was a perfect way to wrap up this chilling piece, because of course after something like this, there would never be any going back, at least for those people that were still somewhat sane.
Original, different, and something I enjoyed, even if it did give me the chills throughout"

:)

Holy sh-t.

This is so twisted. And crazy. I had to re-read it to be sure I was understanding the subject matter correctly. You often write inside the mind of the criminal. And it's incredibly interesting to read, even if it basically f-cking terrifies me. lmao.

Interesting write. I'm probably going to stalk through all your dark poems from now on. lol