Winter at 5.28 PM

I don't know how I only just now found this poem, but it has captivated me and left me so speechless I've read it like 5 times now and still have nothing significant for this comment.

Going in my favorites. Love your style and voice.

[Weekly Contest Comment: 1/7/13]

What I love so much about this piece is how it reads and how it flows; it's not your typical four or six line stanza, or however many lines. It reads like the reader is taking a step into your thoughts. Separating the poem into parts to
just with the simple Roman numeral had a way of speaking for itself. The end reminds me of a musical piece coming to its climax, its final chord that can leave someone just wondering at the conclusion. It had my heart torn:
"I think that death is trying to sing me to sleep. My fingers are frozen. Don't ask. Don't ask for more." Is the poet speaking to a past lover, or a presence in their life that is using all the energy they ever had?

I love the atmosphere of winter here....it's nostaglic, raw, and eerie. I felt the emotions fully rolling out, not confined to lines or rhythms but openly viewed by the reader. The emptiness described in this character is constant throughout the piece, revealed in different areas but showing it is not just the heart that can be broken. Thoughtful and haunting piece.

I thought the layout of this was clever, I can only assume that 5.28 is the time of death.
The 'sing me to sleep' line is great, a clever way of describing dying. This poem is so very deep that you could write a 2000 word essay on it fairly easily. There are clever deep references scattered throughout, I will pick a few out,
'This pond is revealing the worst of me. '
As the scene is so cold I can only imagine that this would be iced over, this would then be mirror like. We could then discuss tips of icebergs etc, with the reflection just an image.
' I think I only loved because I was lonely'
This is the best line in the whole poem. So many people can relate to this. This one line could be a poem on its own.
In reality the poem is fairly short, but is says a huge amount. Clever write and worthy of 7 points.

II.

There's something stuck in my chest without a name, couldn't be an embryo for my heart lacks warmth like the weather of my country. They say it's the birthplace of saudade. Maybe that's why I haven't written as of late. My will is broken, my hands are broken, my heart is broken.

I think I only loved because I was lonely.

^^^ that one i really can relate too sadly i have had my cruddy loves before but you put your soul into this poem and it shows! :) good job girl! :) 5/5

Queen Ashlin

The format of this piece was unusual, but on top of that, the wording and the stanza's had a different meaning every time, there was a sadness, there was nature, there was love, albeit a lost love, a vulnerability that seeped out of the whole piece.
very uniquely written, and very well as well.
Much deserved the win, well done
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