I sit here alone, not knowing what to do.
Words and pictures cross my mind,
making me want to write again.
But my mind does not follow as it once
used to, showing me something's wrong.
I'm still trying to find that missing part
of myself that I lost some time ago.
When he disappeared with no last words,
leaving me crying behind that door
I always hated more than anything.
I am not yet sure what I'm writing about.
Nothing feels right anymore.
The right words won't come
and the pictures keep fading away.
My memory disappoints me
and the memories won't be erased.
I named her Hope
because she'd always come back
when I needed her the most.
She wouldn't knock on the door,
she'd just walk in as if she was at home.
She walked away half a year ago though.
I named her Maria
because it means bitterness
and relapse is most of the times, bitter.
Quit smoking they said,
self-harm is wrong and twisted they said.
''I'll help you though it'' Nobody said.
I named him Eros
because not only do I like the name
but it also describes my man perfectly.
As much as I hate him when he leaves,
as much as he pushes me away when he's mad,
as many girlfriends as he gets after me,
I'll always love him when he comes back to me.
I named her Ugly
because she reminds me of myself
and how I cannot do anything right.
She's those sleepless nights
that I curl up into a ball and avoid all mirrors
for fear I might not like what I'll see.
I named her Violett
because of the bruises on her thighs
that I keep thinking of at nights.
She does not want me to look at them
but I can't help but think they are beautiful.
She still tries to hide the new ones she makes.
I named him Pain
'cause he's the only thing
my man left behind. Not a goodbye.
Not a single wrinkled letter.
I will never forget that sad look he gave me
before he slammed the door in my face.
I told you I am not okay.
Actually, I don't think I will ever be.
This emptiness consumes me.
My eyes are not tired anymore.
I do not need to be saved and that scares me.
I still do not feel anything and that haunts me.
Wow, I must be going crazy,
I even started naming my teardrops.
