Comments : The girl in the shower

  • 11 years ago

    by Shark Puncher

    Everything but the inclusion of the panty line is well written. I know the removal of our clothes is a logical step in how we shower, but based on how non-sexualized/sensual the rest of this writing is, it seems very out of place. Also "of" in the first sentence should obviously be "off".

    4/5.

    • 11 years ago

      by zombiepikachu

      Thank you, I'll consider that. C:
      I think the inclusion of that was to really just bring attention to how sexuality is being discarded -- the girl in the poem removes herself from being sexual with her partner. But maybe that wasn't evident.

      Thank you again, I'll make the change!

  • 11 years ago

    by Shark Puncher

    Ooh, no... again, curse you ambiguity! I read dress, but I assumed light-summer-kind-of dress, not dress-I'll-wear-out-with-my-lover-tonight kind-of dress. Definitely missed that, but now it makes more sense.