Stay Away

by Someone Invisible   Jan 13, 2013


Don't ask me to waste my devotion on you,
Don't inquire that I'm in need of you.

I have independence sewn into my soul,
I have no interest in your blacken soul.

So do what you're good at and show me your back,
So when you leave, don't trun back.

I don't know if I like this one or not and I don't know where it came from. critique as you may.....

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  • 11 years ago

    by Baby Rainbow

    I see where you went with this in trying to repeat the same thing in a different way for the second lines.

    I think it worked ( for me ) except the last line because dont turn back and dont look back are the same thing, so I wonder if you could change just the last line to use the same word back, but make it to mean different. Perhaps something to do with their back as this is what you would be looking at when they walk away. ? Just an idea.

    Well done

    • 11 years ago

      by Someone Invisible

      I like where it was going too but then I hate to repeat myself when speaking aloud so I don't like it if I'm reading it to someone. and I agree I just don't know how to do it and it make sense ya know??

    • 11 years ago

      by Someone Invisible

      I'm thinking maybe something along the lines of : So walk away, don't look back, So do what your good at, show me you're back. put it all together and tell me what you think

  • 11 years ago

    by Owner of an Untamed Heart

    I actually quite enjoyed it. The simplicity gave it some edge, some meaning, as opposed to a drawn out poem that takes forever to express this meaning.

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