Reaper

Why must it still hurt to breath. how can i still be blind to what eveyone else sees. i dont wish to give up just yet. i believe im stronger then this. i dont wish to leave eveyone who have seen me threw what i have done. yet i dont think i can handle much more of what u all say is life and could be worse. ive seen it worse then it has ever been. yet why does that seem safer to me. and even then why do i still wish to see my beautifel reaper dressed in a black. i dont wan to say bye just yet but then again i do. i feel it would be better in many ways for me. ive opend up more to u all and yet the more i open the more i get hurt. i feel bad as u all watch me kill my self slowly. but i feel nothing as the days seem to test me. they wish to see how much i can take. i just cant take much more. you all say u see me 6 feet under or behind bars as i grow older. yet i know you speak the truth. im sorry for what u all see in me, what i am and have become before your eyes. please forgive me. i have never wished to hurt a soul. yet it always seems like thats all im ever good for. im sorry to u all for all i have ever done to or for u that has caused u or any pain or misory. i know few wish the best for me and for me to stay safe. but how can i stay safe when i have become a monster i swore i never would be. the only safe way i see is me gone. but i have made this never ending demonic of a life and how could i say bye. as much as i wish to say bye, i still dont see how i could ever do so. i know my apologise mean nothing and never will. but know i speak the truth to u all when i say im sorry for all i have caused. for all have done. for all i have said... im sorry