Comments : Skeleton

  • 11 years ago

    by Wild flower

    This is really dark, the description and the way its written. Awesome job as always!!:)

  • 11 years ago

    by Baby Rainbow

    A skeletal figure lingers
    in the doorway of my
    domain, scowling at
    notions of her right
    and my wrongs.

    - oh, very eerie beginning and gives you chills to imagine this in your head. I begin to wonder who she is and why she is there, what she represents for you and therefor want to read on. It appears to me that she represents a voice that is inside of yourself and perhaps doubts your choices. Or she could represent a person doing this in your life also.

    Spewing vanity
    around as if she's
    greater than Joan
    of Arc, but the mighty
    remain silent, as
    her darkened words
    drown her slowly
    into the grave bed
    where she slumbers,

    - love the mention of Joan of Arc, never seen this yet and so very cool and fitting for your piece. Your word choice is great here and makes this very powerful. It is clear to see the battle between yourself and this skeleton. I know this will be no where near what you were doing with this poem but for me, her darkened words drowing her represented the people who say things to others without a care for their feelings, then later on it comes back to haunt them. This is what it made me think of, how you should be careful what you say and do to others.

    her silence rattles
    a rib cage of
    thoughts, a percussion
    of peace, nothing
    more than bones
    in a box of stale
    air...

    - silence rattling??? Wow, maple, wow! It is like you have put her to bed for now because she is not important righ now. her thoughts and judgement dont matter right now. Although you try to degrade her power by stating a skeleton is merely bones in a box, I have a feelign between the lines that she is not completely gone.

    Great work.

  • 11 years ago

    by Chelsey

    Goodness you are so awesome at dark pieces, I cant seem to spit them out quite like this...

    Ok the ending was my absolute favorite part!A box of stale air, there was just something about that , that I LOVED....stale air...its just funny that thats even mentioned because the air is fresh when we enter it, but youre stating this person is entering a box of air thats already stale...ahhh and the percussion of peace....<3 I cant even comment. Excellent.