Igloo of Solitude

I look out of my window...
with anemic eyes everything below and above me looks different.

The sky seems to be richer in colour,
holding more wonder and beauty.

I can almost feel the heat from the flames,..
reds then oranges,
the tips of yellow merging like melting gold...
rippling across the sun
as it rises for a solo audience.

The leaves on the trees seem to be more vibrant,
gracefully swaying back and forth in the soft crisp morning breeze...
Almost looks like they're waving at me.

The smell of dew on the ground,
seems so much sweeter...
my stomach growls as my mouth waters at the honey like fragrance.

I feel like a child learning about the world for the first time...

but...

I have an adult mind that's fixated,..
perhaps even icebound thoughts?

Everyday my mind fuses another negative,
poisoned thought, until I have a string of them.
Each piercing my happy memories, like a icicle to the brain.

Frosted and crystalized
they twinkle...

this would be light refraction your seeing
when you look me in the eye...
and you think I'm glowing for making another day, ha!

My logical way of thinking has formed blocks from these icicles.
Dousing these disturbing screams in my head
with cryogenic floods of tears... until frozen.

Cementing my bricks of solitude...

Slowly they have housed my cells in an igloo.

You see,
When I look around at the world...
its still turning.
Everyone problems,
whether major or minor still occur,
and emotions run high...

But for me,
I'm numb...
and left waiting.

No amount of tears will change my fate.
All the hands of family and friends,
won't stop time in its tracks.
My wish to reverse my mind and heart
will never be granted.

For if it was possible...

my mind lives in an igloo of solitude,
Freezing all memories of my journey I call life...
paralysing all feelings and emotion.

If my mind were where my heart is,
my disease would have a frozen home and I could live...

And if my heart lived in my head;

Well...

I'd go back to having warm thoughts again.

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B.O.T.P - Round one
Free Spirits V's The kite Runners
Topic - Igloos