Porch

by Colm   Jan 20, 2013


The memory and shadow
of his girl, diving to her grave
remained in her father's mind,
as he rocked on the porch
in the glowering, failing dusk.
The coffin, he remembers, was little bigger
than the cot she would fall asleep
(to the lullaby of stars) in,
the discolouring of her neck almost innocent.
Shadows find ways to persist,
and he still heard, each twilight hour,
the cracking of a diving board,
the breaking of a line.

****
Written for Round 2 of Everlasting's Simulacrum Contest, rules:

"I stared at myself in the mirror, wondering what she saw that I didn't."

With the link found below, make a poem. In addition, the above quote will hint you as to what the judges will be looking for.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/joses_artwork/2760838894/lightbox/

Use at least one metaphor
make the poem sound real instead of fantasy.

Main prompt. .. the above picture has many objects, I want you to choose three so that when I finish reading the poem, I will be able to see the objects you picked.

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Latest Comments

  • 11 years ago

    by Hellon

    Sorry for delay...I just tend to comment w hen the member is signed in at the same time as me....Everlasting"s Contest..my comment..

    This was somewhat dark and sinister to me. I'll admit that I don't see a diving board anywhere in the picture but that's not to say it isn't there, just that we look at things differently.

    To me, the central focus is a small child, perhaps wearing a nightdress in the middle of the picture and I think that's also what you focused on? She appears quite ghost-like and, maybe that's what the father also sees each night. I can also see something that could be perceived as a coffin or cot, although I would not have considered either of these objects as how you have described them before so, you have opened my mind up here.

    I'm not sure about the words you have chosen to put brackets around, while you have created a nice image with these words I hesitated before continuing on as it interrupted the flow slightly.

    As I said, this was quite a dark write yet, I thoroughly enjoyed the journey you took me on. [ 23/25 points ]

  • 11 years ago

    by L

    I couldn't believe that based on that picture, poets could come up with poems like this one. I actually I knew that poets could, but I was not expecting something as good as the poems that were submitted. And it made me feel proud, lol, as weird as it may sound.

    In my opinion, this poem has a sense of reality. I feel like someone is telling me a story, the curse which a father experiences every twilight hour where he sees what happened to his girl. My guess the girl got drowned and that's due to the mention of the diving board.

    I enjoyed the incorporation of the three objects in the poem, and your ability to connect them to narrate this great piece.

    Well done
    5/5

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