Cyclones

[Weekly Contest Comment: 1/28/13]

What a thrill this was to read, I literally felt transported by the poet's words into this event, the confusion the poet was feeling, the chaos of the scene. I admire how the poet
experimented a bit with punctuation placement, instead of writing with the conventional four line stanzas with a comma....these words become alive and I can feel shivers. It definitely is horror to me, and with the twist, as me dying to know how this girl/woman was murdered. If the main character was drugged, knocked unconscious, or maybe had another side to him/her that convinced them this girl had to die. Really intriguing and conveys fear and the unknown so well with its brevity. Great work!

WHOOOAAAA!!!!!!

Did you win the contest?!?! Seriously!! I didnt have time to read the poems submitted for that, but this should have been the winner hands down of the round, of the contest, hell for the site contest....

Colm, in all honesty, I dont think I've ever read such a twisted poem like this. I totally am in love with it!!!

First off, the lay out of this piece is flawless. Where it may seem choppy, unorganized, the flow was everywhere, that is so perfect for the story you are telling...the lay out was just perfect for a drunk being the narrator...Then the ending line.....I wish you could have saw my face while reading this...I was like :-0 !!!!!!! Whatttttt??? A drunken murder! SUPERB! ...this is definitely going into my favorites...poetry with a twist, it cant get better than this and I'm not trying to blow smoke up your butt, I'm serious, its been a while since I've read anything this exciting. I love poetry that gets me excited, poetry with twists I didnt expect! I love feeling fooled.

Just excellent.

This was the most unique read for me, and it wasn't just due to the brevity, it was because I felt the author was confident in his/her word choice and it's meaning...the chosen words express something that makes you want to reflect more on it, because there is depth to how this scene is described. This was my favorite twist at the end because it brings a character unnamed into it, a mystery, or it could even be you represented in another time. I like how you became creative with punctuation and used them in your own way for a dramatic pause. I liked all the dashes as well, it made your voice chilling. This read to me as a verse from a horror movie, or an excerpt from a story we've never read before. The subtle repetition like in "The knife might caught them off, the knife-" was strong. Like you were considering more than its implications. Fascinating, especially with the reason for this woman's blood in the end. Murder? A dream? An illusion? This scene was profound. Good work Colm! :]

For the author of poem #2 This is what I meant by letting the reader use their own imagination. There is a lot going on in this poem but the author has very cleverly just placed some prompts and has left the rest out. By doing this there are many different scenarios that could occur and, I'm pretty sure my interpretation will not be the same as this author and, that's what makes this one work.

The first stanza was a very good opener but I think it should be trying and whirling in keeping with squinting in line one. I loved the comparison of eyelashes and black angry bars, very creative. The ending had a definite twist and yet, once again, you leave the reader guessing.

I really enjoyed this one. Suspense at its very best.

The main attraction from this piece in my opinion is the twist. You have no idea of the thrill this piece gave me as I read it, it was phenomenal, it's as if I was watching a scene from a movie. I honestly didn't expect the ending, it didn't sound rush. In my opinion, it was given at the right time.

I felt that black angry bars.. was used as a foreshadowing, though, at first read I didn't catch it. I could think based on that that the guy narrating the story was a killer and perhaps woke up in prison. . . that's how I could link it, however, I think that was used in reference to the eye lashes. what I liked the most was the imagery in this piece, the feeling of confusion and suspense.

Well done with the prompt.