I'm The Lost After I'm Found

I love you with a passion I can't trust within my soul.
I need your skin against me to defend my minds control.

You're heroin in pill form, there's no tourniquet or pinch.
I feel sick and faint without you; you're my crutch and I'm an inch,

I'm an inch or maybe half away from spinning orange blues.
The sunsets are my mornings, it all makes sense to me, but you.

You saw my outward smile which was no intent to fool.
You wanted deeper waters; I didn't have much line to spool.

I told you in the daytime that the fun and games weren't me.
You thought and think I'll change in time but love doesn't set us free.

Decisions aren't the answer and the tear stains are not dead.
But a shaking, spinning, screaming soul resides next to my head.

With the pillow wet and wrinkled you're so close and yet so far.
No amount of time nor busyness will change an ounce of who we are.

I want so bad to be your perfect, but scars on me remain.
"Forget them and move on from it", tried so many times in vane.

Do I run away and hurt you? Or do I stay and numb my core?
Would it ever work between us if I remembered nothing more?

There's a vortex swirling closer and the view is deep and vast.
If I give up all before you, would I be happy without my past?

Like a honey bee to nectar, the close and sweeter that you are,
The more I drink to process, but a flower wilts ajar.

I'm flying, then it's ruined. I'm the lost after I'm found.
The line of bubbles longer with the depth, the dragging; drowned

I pushed away your closeness when I lost her, and my heart.
Truth be told I'm painting me invisible; it's an art.

Expectation overgrowth, I'll take my labyrinth words and go.
My agony just hurts us, pretty sadness not for show.

I hate myself in levels that a mirror can't reflect,
Like a distant starburst light, a death you just now can detect.

A choice I cannot make while I endeavor far off times.
This, the reason why I'll lose you, can't speak but it can rhyme.

I try to show, to tell, explain, but you cannot find my sense.
Is it forced? Trying too hard? Will it be at our expense?

Will you leave me if I can't be fixed? I wouldn't blame you still.
But you're the last my heart can break, you should know I'd lose my will.

Because I love you with a passion I can't trust or keep unbound
I'm revealing what's been beaten... I'm the lost after I'm found.