Would God turn me away because my heart is full if hate?
I look up at the clouds and want to get inside the gate.
The pain here's never ending, my emotions too intense.
The grass here isn't green and I've jumped over the fence.
I'm young enough to change but I've had time enough to know,
That a life of broken trust will kill all love before it grows.
I read a faded scripture but forget to let it live,
Then I wonder why I feel unloved and if He will forgive.
I let it go and carry on, each new stab betraying.
I feel the past, what's old reborn, my tattered edges fraying.
The abyss forever deep and what I bury even deeper,
Climb, they say, and don't give up, but every grab gets steeper.
Can He see the unshed tears that I cannot force to fall?
Does He know how numb and desperate I've become, or me at all...
Defenses harden and take their form, revenge within my heart.
The urge to hurt another is so easy now to start.
I feel a bitter guard and see smoke within the wind.
I used to scare myself with this but it's now embraced, the sin.
I'm trying to run back to Him but all the roads are blocked.
As soon as I'm content my foundation, faith, is rocked.
I'm screaming for redemption but the claws dig in and pull.
I'm reaching up and begging that this emptiness be full.
Dragged and bit and burning, I can smell my scorching flesh.
I'm angry as a cover, for the pain is always fresh.
I get glimpses if the light but my eyes just don't adjust,
I'm afraid of what's around but its me I cannot trust.
Would God turn me away because my heart is full of hate?...
I look up at the clouds and doubt I'll get inside the gate.
