Guilty Dreams

by Baby Rainbow   Jan 22, 2013


I wake up drowning
in a puddle of my tears
which I have cried for you.

One more night
which I have slept
and met you in my dreams.

I can see the fear
inside your eyes
as you see darkness surround you.

I can feel your hand
gripping tightly on to mine
as I beg you not to jump.

Then just like that
you let me go,
slipped from my hand
and disappeared into the water.

Now each time I remember you
I will always see that fear in your eyes
and hear your body hit the water.

And I will always carry
this gut wrenching guilt
for letting your hand
slip out of mine.

Saffie
21

19/1/13

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Latest Comments

  • 11 years ago

    by Edward Oropeza

    This is how vague when i'm about to write the poem, i did not understand where to make the sentence past or present, or mixed them up, but here in your poem
    "I wake up drowning
    in a puddle of my tears
    which I have cried for you. "
    I'm doubt if I could be written this "I woke up drowned", but I see that the statement is progressive, so your sentence makes me realize that.
    and I'm interested on how you build it in this way
    "One more night
    which I have slept
    and met you in my dreams.
    -the sentence is telling about the truth of events, i wonder if it is present tense, make me fumbling again.

    I can see the fear
    inside your eyes
    as you see darkness surround you. "
    -here the series followed by present event as the action implies itself, i got many troubles when and how I can make the same scenario between past and present, but i can see in between the lines i can grasp some idea on how and where to make it.
    in this poem I got a imagery of a big fish, where in the big fish slips in your hand while you are holding him tight, it reminds me of the same in the movie...
    Nice poem Saffie.

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