Comments : Im not that girl

  • 11 years ago

    by Kelwin lost in thought

    Very good. I like it

  • 11 years ago

    by Roses Bleed

    I love it luv, keep going! I think I know who you're talking about, but while I know a lot about you, I don't know eveything. I love you lots, and see you soon, then maybe I can make you tell me ;D

    • 11 years ago

      by harleyquinn4479

      Okay thanks:) i think the fact that we dont know as much as we would like to about each other also makes are friendship exciting because we never know what the other might reveal! love you lots hun:D cant wait to see you tomorrow

  • 11 years ago

    by Shark Puncher

    I think this is written pretty well, but to be truly honest it's hampered severely by the sheer amount of grammatical and capitalization errors. I normally just list off what needs changing based on where the error is, but it's almost easier to rewrite the poem to show you (if you're legitimately unaware) of how many there were/are.

    Please don't consider this offensive, just a note on how to improve your writing!

    There were lots of apostrophe errors indicating faulty possession.

    -

    "Mind blowing how a person can change so quickly
    Amazing he even noticed my nice doings
    I wish he couldn't see my heart in my eyes
    Because I can't contain what I think

    All my life I've been pushed aside
    Unnoticed and outcast
    I made myself noticeable
    I made them realize who they're dealing with

    I cower from the smarter
    I strive to be everything yet nothing at all
    I wear these clothes but they aren't mine
    Did he recognize it?

    Symptoms drive me crazy
    Do they even exist?
    No way can he love me
    I am a source of pain and and loss for him
    Love never finds the way

    Many days have passed in wanting
    I don't want what I now have
    Could I be this greedy
    He's right there but I'm scared

    Hatred and nothingness consume
    Images block my mind
    Fuzziness fills in the place of vanishing brain cells
    Drifting into madness I have one thought
    Him and her
    But never me"

    3/5.

    Also, the title should be capitalized and have an apostrophe as well!

    "I'm not that girl" (period optional depending on your style, but from a general syntax point of view - it should contain one as well after girl.)

    • 11 years ago

      by harleyquinn4479

      Ha ha thanks. I meant to go back and fix this. When I first wrote this it was almost 3 in the morning hence the mistakes. Your awesome for doing this:)