Ecstasy (Part III)

by Rusheena   Jan 28, 2013


I'm falling at the speed of light,
and there's nothing under me to land on,
except a deep, pitch-black whirlpool
that's louder than the loudest tornado, volcano, or tsunami.
I flail my arms and scream,
until my vocal cords snap, one by one.
But it's no use.
The darkness is coming for me,
and there's nothing I can do about it.
As I get closer to the black hole,
I start to feel the suction,
ripping my skin to the bone.
I finally splash into the center, hard.
I try, with all my might, to swim.
Then, I remember that I can't swim...
"God, please help me!" I cry out in my mind.
But I remember that I left him behind.
He's really gone this time...
So I let the wind have its way with me.
The force of the twister whips me around, like a ragdoll,
twisting my head in every direction.
There's nothing else that I can do but close my eyes,
so I do, while waiting for my time to expire.
I take one last peak, eyes stinging, as they pop open...
A dangling, rusty ceiling fan comes into focus
but fades to black.
I shake my head, as hard as I can,
terrified that I'll drift back into ecstasy.
As my raw eyes clear, I look around to find
that I'm alone in the same dark room,
still strapped to the gurney.
I see my cross necklace lying on a table next to me.
So I reach over and pick it up with my mouth,
careful not to drop it,
and I use it to pick the locks of my straps,
until I'm free.

*Inspired by the song "Narcissistic Cannibal" by Korn ft. Skrillex."*

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Latest Comments

  • 11 years ago

    by xXx Eternal PainxXx

    Oh wow i love this poem the flow is VERY nice in some part but others to me seem a bit forced but hey it's just me the emotions in there are beautiful the way i saw each and every since picture really blew me away! :) i really did love it and my favorite part is the ending nice way to get out of a place with a necklace!!!! 5/5

    Queen Ashlin

  • 11 years ago

    by zombiepikachu

    Beautiful! I know your intent with this poem, clearly, but it isn't just so simple that I want to laugh. The metaphor of being freed with God, I'm assuming, with the necklace being what frees you.
    I think it is nice that you can make your own statement with your poetry, but what I really like is your use of imagery. It's dark, and hauntingly beautiful!
    "I flail my arms and scream,
    until my vocal cords snap, one by one."
    I love that! I love the image of them snapping one by one, it is absolutely bone chilling!
    And,
    "I start to feel the suction,
    ripping my skin to the bone." Ripping and suction are such violent words! This is great!

    A few lines I have trouble with:
    "Wait, is that a ceiling?"
    While I like the character in your poem thinking out loud, I think this is too simple. I'd rather read a description. A ceiling fan that is slightly off balance... I dunno. Something stronger.
    "My friend had gone, probably went to help someone else..."
    I had forgotten about a friend, to be honest. I think it distracts, but maybe there was some kind of symbolism in it?

    Anyway, I think the simplicity works in this. It is beautiful, haunting, again. c: Keep this up! I love the chilling imagery you have! So striking! And don't change anything if you like it. My opinion doesn't matter if you are satisfied c:

    -z

    • 11 years ago

      by Rusheena

      Thanks, Z! Actually, you made some really good points. I'm not a fan of the line "Wait, is that a ceiling?" At that point of the poem, I felt like I needed to wrap it up and didn't really know how to transition out of the hallucination. But I really like your idea though. Yes, the "friend" was symbolism, but it sticks out to me too. I was wondering if I should've added it or not because I'd forgotten about him, myself. I'll try to find a way to make that symbolism work, without him.

      Thanks again for the feedback, Z :)

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