Surrounded by hate, surrounded by envy.
Surrounded by people who claim to love me.
No one really understands me and nor could they.
I've been told I'm making a mistake, but one I feel is necessary.
For months I was slipping, didn't recognize myself. My actions, my decisions, my feelings.
I'm finally reclaimed and back to normal.
Looking forward instead of standing still.
I have no regrets, but I carry remorse.
I was selfish, thinking of no one but myself. My wants, my needs, my desires.
Now I'm beginning to see, thinking of everyone except myself !
And people are bitter towards that?
I now feel I was being given a challenge, taught a lesson, and put on a challenging journey.
Every now and then I find my mind wondering back to selfishness.
But I fight it, maybe limiting my self to a phone call, despite what my mind is telling me I want.
I can't be more sorry for the many people I hurt during
my selfish and reckless actions.
The one that won't forgive me, is the one I miss the most, the one that tempts me, and causes my selfishness to overtake me.
Seeing this person suffering and hurting kills me inside,
makes me want to go back, but instead I say things to push us further and further apart, because I can't and won't go back, unless fate leads me that way, not my desires.
Only time will tell if we will ever go back to how we were,
But I sincerely don't believe so .
Hopefully one day I can get past all of the people with hate and envy, and
be left with only people who truly love me.
