Daddy?
Where are you? I miss you oh so very much.
How are you doing up there?
Those are questions I would ask if I was able to go to my dads grave. Though for me at such a young age, it's hard to actually imagine him being truly gone. I miss my best friend. The one who was always there for me when things got hard. He was there when I went through my toughest stage of self injuring. But now that he is gone, I'm not sure how to handle things anymore. Having to loose your biggest supporter is one thing that a young 19 year old should have to go through. Now going through life is so difficult. Dealing with mom and how to handle myself. I haven't be able to. I've gone down to the bottom twice dad. I don't want to be here without you. You were my rock here at home. Making sure me and mom didn't do anything to each other. So when I started to deal with mom daddy, I went to grammy. She was like you. able to help me when I needed help. She was so sweet and helpful. helping me out. But now, now she is gone too. The two main people in my life are gone. How can this possibly happen?
Daddy? Are you able to hear me?
Are you still helping me?
Are you proud for how I'm taking care of my schooling?
Are you unhappy that I haven't gone to your grave?
I'll always be asking these questions. Many will never be answered. But daddy, please please take care of grammy for me and mom. Just make sure that she isn't in any more pain. That's what I am worried about.
Daddy, I love you and wish you were still here with me. But I've gone through life and have made my mistakes and learned from them. I still keep who you were in me. People always say they see you in me. But every now and then, I see you in Lacey. Her coming up and licking me when I'm crying. helping me to stop. I believe It's you. Thank you daddy!
