I realised tonight just how much
I still miss you.
I thought for a while that I had managed
to let you go but truth be told, I had simply
blocked you from my memory.
I had to constantly fight to survive in the life
controlled by abuse and power,
that I had no strength left
to grieve when I lost you.
I have never truly admitted to myself
that you are no longer here
but tonight I broke down
on the cold bathroom floor
and I cried delayed tears for you.
I realised tonight as I sobbed my heart
into my sleeve that I will never be able
to let you go unless I allow myself
time to grieve.
And I realised tonight
that my mind is telling me
I am ready to let you go.
