Beautiful poem. So simple yet so nice to read. Good job

This is a beautiful poem, but the dashes really disrupt the flow. What is interesting is the second stanza is perfect? Whatever you done there worked, lol. Are you submitting from your phone? I know I had trouble finding the space button to go to the next line, but it was there... it looked like an arrow. So, maybe just experiment with it some more? If it's from a PC, I'm unsure of the problem. Sorry if I'm no help. :/ lol

On to the poem:

First stanza: Great imagery... the sun is drifting on... sunset I assume.

Second: I like the question. The imagery here is even better describing the forget me nots.... beautiful flowers.

Third: You are holding the cards... however they aren't yours to hold, they are hers. I see this as a form of control of the relationship.

Fourth: Honestly, it's too broken up here for me to really comprehend. It's not your writing, just the layout.

The repetition of "remember what you said" doesn't really work for the poem, in my opinion. If you are going to use that, maybe you should incorporate what was actually said in the poem somewhere, maybe the ending?

The remembrance of that day shows that you truly adored that person. It's sad that it was only a "taste" of love...so to me that means it didn't last very long.

Overall, a nice piece! I will come back to check and see if you solved your format problem! :)

I really love reading beautiful free flow like this . You may not know it if you have read any of my nursery rhymes . I love it . If you don't mind my saying so TSI25 if reflects much more heart, mind, and soul than a screen name that reads like a serial number , but that adds to the mystery and is most of the fun 5>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Simply beautiful. I agree with Hannah the dashes disrupts the flow, but overall this is a strong and beautiful poem. Your words set a beautiful image in my head, so therefore its a great write.

"Can you remember what you said?" This line immediately displaces me in the narrative. I am put on the outside, as an invisible spectator in a situation I can't alter. A very fragrant poem. I enjoyed it. The theme is as cloaked in mystery as any, and I view that as a good thing.

Awh!!! the image of thsi poem is stuck in my head it was soo perfect to me!! the flow i seriously loved i don't care what any other person says refering to this poem my favorite part was "Can you remember what you said?" and "I held the cards in my hand but
they were not my cards they were...
yours." were my favorite parts in this entire poem it just blew me away!!! :) 5/5

Queen Ashlin

This is a lovely poem.... I love the metaphors you used to describe things and the beautiful, vivid imagery you created with your words. I feel this is a differently refreshing poem I read since long on PnQ!!!
Nominated for the creativity!:)

This is a delicious poem. It's absolutely smooth, and the tone is so calm and beautiful.

Your words grew soft in the singing air;
glowing forget-me-nots of blue and silver,
with golden cream-filled centres,
delicately caressing the soul.

^This is my favorite stanza in the piece. The use of vivid words is very relaxing, and the colors are beautiful. It evokes such a gorgeous image, and it's sensory with "Your words grew soft in the singing air" It gives the poem a hushed, whispered feel to it.

and I still remember what you said...
I remember the crown of forget-me-nots
and the sweet taste
of bluebells on the summer wind.
It was just a drop I did adore-
a taste of love
and nothing more.

^This sort of restated the stanza that I found most favorable. I liked that in the end there was a recap.

It was just a drop I did adore-
a taste of love
and nothing more.

^That makes this feel like there's a longing for more. It sets off an addiction. This is great!

The summer sun was broken then,
its warmth drifting
like so many golden feathers
on the
downy, evening breeze

Can you remember what you said?

^^Interesting word choices, I like the description of the sun beams as feathers, it's creative and different. Although this seems really sad.

Your words grew soft in the singing air;
glowing forget-me-nots of blue and silver,
with golden cream-filled centres,
delicately caressing the soul.

^^This stanza is extremely sweet, painting an image in my mind. "delicately caressing the soul." That's a beautiful line.

I held the cards in my hand but
they were not my cards they were...
yours.

^^ Mmm, I feel you there. I like the meaning behind this, I feel like I can relate to it, it's clever.

They danced to the tune of your soul,
and for a moment...
as I remembered what you said... I felt
your heart's
gentle flame
lapping at my lonely soul
dancing in the broken summer sun
as I had yearned to learn to
merely years before

^^Heartbreaking. The layout's a bit messy, but I'm pretty sure I get what you are conveying. "They danced to the tune of your soul" another beautiful line.

and I still remember what you said...
I remember the crown of forget-me-nots
and the sweet taste
of bluebells on the summer wind.
It was just a drop I did adore-
a taste of love
and nothing more.

^^I love the very end, it feels so bittersweet and full of longing. The entire poem feels that way to me, I don't know if that's what you were feeling, but that's what I'm getting.

Critique: I'm not a big fan of the "..." definitely just personal preference, you use them a couple times and I feel like they don't fit.

Another thing, the way the individual lines in each stanza are set up (the layout) makes it feel choppy and hard to understand, I don't know if you were doing it to make them stand out more, like have more meaning or not. I feel like if they were in a different form it would give the poem more 'power' in a way. Or you couple try forming the lines together and maybe capitalizing the first letter of each line. Again just some thoughts, I mean no harm. I enjoyed the read and think it's a beautiful poem filled with much emotion. (:

A very good write which i enjoyed reading with a very unsual style.

Your use of beautifull imagery, description and metaphors were very good and it flowed well.

"I held the cards in my hand but
they were not my cards they were...
yours."

Was my fav part. I like the break at the last line, gave it a good flow and i like the idea of somone else holding the "cards"

I had to read this a couple of times for this to fully process which is a good thing i geus.

Overall a very good poem.

Keep it up!
5/5 from me

I love it love it love it, this is truly jerking my heart strings, I really enjoyed reading it, a very well down and wonderful poem

Your poem was so heartfelt, and sad at the same time, you knew how to arrange your words, the flow was nice and smooth, keep it up!! peace

This is very descriptive. Its so emotional, and so raw, so real. I can really feel the things you are writing. There is so much passion here, great write. I am amazed someone so young can be so talent or have ever felt this. But I guess things have changed since I was there.

4.5

With love,
Lovenut

So odd, I mean.

I have no words or critiques for this poem. It's odd lol
But I'll try to say something, this is one of those poems that feel personal yet the emotion is felt and allowed me to connect to the poem. I read it three times and the forget me nots and the ending got to me.

I also noticed the bluebells in here. All in all, my favorite poem from yours. 5/5

This is really just- lovely. You've created a very soft image, which works perfectly with the romance and gentle passion.

"Your words grew soft in the singing air;
glowing forget-me-nots of blue and silver,
with golden cream-filled centres,
delicately caressing the soul."- I love the feeling this gives off, it sounds very luxurious!

This was a very nice read, good job :)

This is really just- lovely. You've created a very soft image, which works perfectly with the romance and gentle passion.

"Your words grew soft in the singing air;
glowing forget-me-nots of blue and silver,
with golden cream-filled centres,
delicately caressing the soul."- I love the feeling this gives off, it sounds very luxurious!

This was a very nice read, good job :)