Let your figure do the talking
as your thoughts go a walking
Your song will be silently sung
in your familiar native tongue
^ Great way to begin such a fabulous piece. It seems so simple yet it says so much more than meets the eye.
The sweetness of your scent
signals your lovely intent
we have tasted soft lips
in our words that eclipse
^ The way your voice is highlighted in this stanza is great. Its a fantastic use of descriptions to help lead the piece in the directions it chooses to go.
Love letters you have written
sent to those of us smitten
by the beauty of the order
of a love with no boarder
^ As much as I like the point of this stanza the rhyming here feels really forced. It could just be me thinking that though. I mean this is well written, but thats the only thing I dislike - so far.
The imagery and the flow
make the flowers grow
in the minds of your beholders
that browse through your folders
^ Nice job here, it makes sense and rhymes as unusual as the sentence sounds.
May you never be alone
or left sadly on your own
like an angel with no name
for that would be a shame
^ This is my favorite stanza. This one sounds the best and is written with the most clarity. I really like it, you did a wonderful job on this part of the piece.
Like the lady that had the look
to inspire me to write a book
I judged her by her thin cover
though she already had a lover
^ Simple yet slightly sad.
She walked across my heart like it was Texas
Like she must have done with all her poor ex's
it was hers to reject or to chose
hers to love or hers to abuse
The first two lines of this, well, they kinda made me laugh. They are interesting but nice. The last two lines of it simply show just how important this person could be to someone.
My figures talk, but they don't stalk
The legs that decided to walk
settled in some others nest
Perhaps her figure was the best
^ This is a great way to close the piece. It's nice.
All in all, this is very well written. The rhyme scheme was well used, except the one stanza I have already pointed out. Your voice was clear and wonderful in this piece. Though some of it was sad I like the easy tone of this piece. It is wonderful. Great work with the flow and marvelous word choice.
5/5
11 years ago
by BlueJay
Let your figure do the talking
as your thoughts go a walking
Your song will be silently sung
in your familiar native tongue
^ Great way to begin such a fabulous piece. It seems so simple yet it says so much more than meets the eye.
The sweetness of your scent
signals your lovely intent
we have tasted soft lips
in our words that eclipse
^ The way your voice is highlighted in this stanza is great. Its a fantastic use of descriptions to help lead the piece in the directions it chooses to go.
Love letters you have written
sent to those of us smitten
by the beauty of the order
of a love with no boarder
^ As much as I like the point of this stanza the rhyming here feels really forced. It could just be me thinking that though. I mean this is well written, but thats the only thing I dislike - so far.
The imagery and the flow
make the flowers grow
in the minds of your beholders
that browse through your folders
^ Nice job here, it makes sense and rhymes as unusual as the sentence sounds.
May you never be alone
or left sadly on your own
like an angel with no name
for that would be a shame
^ This is my favorite stanza. This one sounds the best and is written with the most clarity. I really like it, you did a wonderful job on this part of the piece.
Like the lady that had the look
to inspire me to write a book
I judged her by her thin cover
though she already had a lover
^ Simple yet slightly sad.
She walked across my heart like it was Texas
Like she must have done with all her poor ex's
it was hers to reject or to chose
hers to love or hers to abuse
The first two lines of this, well, they kinda made me laugh. They are interesting but nice. The last two lines of it simply show just how important this person could be to someone.
My figures talk, but they don't stalk
The legs that decided to walk
settled in some others nest
Perhaps her figure was the best
^ This is a great way to close the piece. It's nice.
All in all, this is very well written. The rhyme scheme was well used, except the one stanza I have already pointed out. Your voice was clear and wonderful in this piece. Though some of it was sad I like the easy tone of this piece. It is wonderful. Great work with the flow and marvelous word choice.